Satire - Part 48 - Everybody Gets Some...

This is a work of fiction. It is meant to be satirical in nature. Initially published on 16 April 1999. This is a Satire Classic.

WHAT HAPPENS:

1. Viki gets some.
2. Botrina and RJ and Sophie spend the night in jail.
3. Jill's remodeling is complete.
4. Flo got scoop.

It was early in the morning. As Dim walked down the street and approached the studio, she came across Charrisa Charmaro outside the studio doors smoking a ciggie.

“Hi CC. Why are you out here smoking a ciggie?” asked Dim.

“Jill won’t let me smoke inside the studio. Says it’s against policy. But I don’t get it. She smokes inside all the time…” said CC dragging on her ciggie.

“Only Jill can get off breaking the rules,” said Dim, “Want to have a cup of coffee with me and Flo before blocking?”

“Sure. Robin and my dressing room isn’t quite ready yet…” said CC. She put out her ciggie and they walked inside.

In the lobby was ET looking nine months pregnant and in a bathrobe.

“Erin, what’s up? You getting some?” asked Dim.

“Nah. Jessica gives Birth,” said ET.

“Well, look at the bright side - at least you won’t have to wear that pregnant pad anymore…” said CC.

“Yeah…” said ET, “I got a letter from my fan club, The Rebel Rousers, they want me to name the kid Todd…after Jessica’s Rebel rousing uncle…”

They all laughed and ET walked off.

As CC and Dim walked down the hall they came across KdP and GT. Both actresses were in bathrobes.

“Kassie! Gina! What’s with the bathrobes?” asked Dim, her curiosity aroused.

“Blair gets some with Max,” said KdP.

“Kelly scores with Joey,” said GT.

“Lucky,” said CC, “I misses out on Kurt Cobain and have yet to score a contract.”

KdP and GT walked off.

CC and Dim didn’t get two feet when they came across Poisonwood and Patty E. Both were in bathrobes. CC and Dim looked at each other all weird like.

“Poisonwood! Patty! What’s up? You guys getting some too?” asked Dim, her curiosity really aroused now.

EP frowned, “Rosie and Andrew get some in the rectory and Jill’s making me wear this stupid love bangle again…”

“Dim - Jill’s forcing me to do a love scene with Asa,” said PE sadly, “But I want that young stud Cris.”

“I hear Jill never does what you want,” added CC.

PE and EP walked off.

Dim looked at CC, “Something’s up CC.”

“I get that impression,” said CC.

They started walking down the hall and ran into HBS. She was wearing a bathrobe too and carrying a broken toilet flusher.

“Hill - what’s up with the bathrobe and toilet flusher?” asked Dim putting her hands on her hips.

“Nora gets some with Sam. It’s a big lickfest. I broke a toilet flusher on my way to the bathroom,” said HBS walking off.

Dim turned to CC, “Now I know Botrina ain’t getting some. Me and RJ are stuck in jail.”

“Really?” said CC, “So is Sophia and Dorian. Sophia ain’t getting any either. Must be because I don’t have a contract.”

“Well you know me and Robin. This must be Jill’s revenge. Dorian and Botrina don’t get none,” said Dim frowning.

Just then Diva Hickland came trotting down the hall in a Victoria Secret luxurious bathrobe.

“Diva Hickland, what’s with the bathrobe?” asked CC all respectful like.

“Lindsay and Hank have a one night stand in Hank’s office. They do it on his desk…” said CH rushing past them, “And I’m late to tape…”

CC and Dim raised and eyebrow and looked at each other, “Hank?”

They walked five feet and came across ES. In a bathrobe.

“Erika, don’t tell me - Viki gets some too?” asked Dim.

“Yep. Boy, that Mark Derwin…” said ES walking down the hall.

“That’s it CC,” said Dim. She took CC’s hand and they walked to Patty M’s dressing room. They knocked on the door. No answer.

Just then SM walked down the hall. In a bathrobe.

“If you’re looking for Patty M, she’s not here today. Jill gave her the day off…” said SM.

“Figures. Carlotta NEVER gets any,” said Dim.

“Sue, let me guess. You and that fine Tim Gibbs have a smut scene?” asked CC.

“Yep,” said SM walking off.

CC turned to Dim, “Kurt Cobain, he ain’t.”

Dim and CC shook their heads in disgust. Finally, they got to Dim’s dressing room. SickFlo was all ready there. In a bathrobe.

“Don’t tell me Flo - Téa and THE FREAK, ah, I mean Sykes bump nasty again?” asked Dim, hands on her hips.

“Yep,” said SickFlo, “In the shower. It’s just that I’ve got this upset stomach. The doctor says it’s from taking too many cough drops…” FL clearly looked under the weather.

“Hope you’re feeling better soon,” said CC.

“I hope I remember my lines…” said FL turning green.

******************************************************************************************************

RS, CC, TDS, and Dim all walked into the same jail cell dressed in character. The director, Gary Donatelli, yelled, ‘Action!’ and the scene began.

RJ and Botrina sat on the bottom bunk and Dorian and Sophia sat on the top.

“So, RJ, buddy of mine, what are you and Botrina in for?” asked Dorian. Her and Sophie swung their feet.

“I stole Sykes’s flowers for Téa and gave to Botrina. Botrina got busted for receiving stolen property,” said RJ, “What are you two in for?”

“Viki caught us snooping around Llanfair,” said Dorian.

“We’re doomed to spend the night in jail…” said Botrina.

“Isn’t your father the police commissioner? Why doesn’t he get you out?” asked Sophie.

“He’s outta town on business. Asa’s calling him now about this travesty,” said Botrina.

“What’s everyone else doing while we’re rotting in jail?” asked RJ.

“Getting some?” answered Botrina.

The scene ended.

Meanwhile…in another part of the studio on a closed set…

Téa and Sykes were all over each other in the shower. FL tried hard to work past her upset stomach but couldn’t help feeling green.

Sykes, breathing hard, as if he was asthmatic, gave Téa a hot, erotic, open-mouthed kiss, “Oh, Téa…” he gasped.

“Oh, Todd…” said Téa.

“Cut!” yelled the director, GD, “Flo, now you know that’s not the line…”

“Gary, I’m sorry…I’m just not feeling well,” said FL.

“O.k., Flo, just remember the longer it takes to tape…” said GD.

“No problem Gary, I’ll get it right on the next take…” said FL looking downright pale.

JB just pouted.

“O.k…from the kiss…and 3…2…1…Action!” said the director.

Sykes gave Téa another hot, open-mouthed kiss while he gasped for air, “Oh, Téa…”

“Oh…oh. Oh!” said FL. She blew chunks all over the shower and JB. JB freaked out.

“Cut!” yelled the director, “Lozano - take the rest of the day off. You’re obviously sick…”

******************************************************************************************************

Dim, RS, and CC walked into RS and CC’s remodeled dressing room. The wallpaper was florescent glow in the dark pink and lava lamps were everywhere. Their dressing room looked like a leftover 60’s movie. On the back of the door was a sign that said, “NO SMOKING…AND THAT MEANS YOU CHARRISA.”

“Damn that Jill!” muttered Robin.

****************************************************************************************************

SickFlo, TDS, JSS, EP, and Dim were hanging out in Dim and Flo’s dressing room.

“I heard John Bolger was pretty pissed you barfed on him,” said JSS.

SickFlo looked up from her table, her head was in her arms, “He’ll get over it.”

“I’ve been surfing the internet boards and found out the fans are quite serious about this May sweeps boycott,” said TDS chugging down some H20.

“I don’t suppose it will be all that bad. Maybe I’ll get a better wardrobe and storyline if the big cheese gets the cut,” said EP playing with her love bangle.

“So Flo, got scoop?” asked Dim.

“Téa loses her last braincell. At this rate, I’ll lost my last fan…” said SickFlo.

Just then AngelaB, the UPS girl, arrived and delivered FL a postcard and Dim a package. Dim tore open the package and glared at it with dollar signs in her eyes.

“Dim, what is it?” asked TDS.

“As The World Turns is offering me the part of Lucinda’s daughter, Bianca…” said Dim, “It pays well. Should I take it?”

“Dim, if you took that job, I’d miss you,” said JSS sweetly, “Our off screen romance would flounder!”

“Awwww…” said Dim.

SickFlo gave her postcard to EP to read, “Here, read it.”

EP read, “Flo, hope you’re feeling better soon. Ditch the Fish - they’re nowhere near as cool as the Bird. Rog. P.S. I miss you too Flo.”

“I miss you too Rog,” said SickFlo.

NEXT:
1. Botrina and Sophia find out they got a lot more in common than just being college buddies!
2. Nora gets face
3. Jill feels the pressure of the boycott
4. Flo got scoop