Satire - Part 47 - "Who the HECK is Trevor D. Manning?"

This is a work of fiction. It is meant to be satirical in nature. Initially published on 10 April 1999.

WHAT HAPPENS:

1. Jill's office gets a make over thanks to Robin.
2. Reaction to Poisonwood's smut scene.
3. Wild Liz Hubbard rumors.
4. Will SM finally get a dressing room?
5. Flo got scoop.

It was early in the morning. Flo went to open her dressing room door but paused. The sign on the door usually said, “Flo and Dim’s Dressing Room.” Now it said, “Welcome to Flo and Dim’s Half-way House. Currently residing: Flo, Dim, Sue, and Charrisa.” Flo giggled as she walked into her dressing room. Dim, Sue, and Charissa were drinking coffee.

“Hi Flo,” they said in stereo.

“I see we’re running a half-way house,” giggled Flo pouring herself a coffee.

“Well, Jill said she has to do some rearranging…” said SM.

“Something about remodeling Robin’s dressing room,” said Charissa, “Before she sticks me in there.”

Flo and Dim looked at each other and burst out in laughter.

Dim walked over to the corner and gave FL a box of stick-up air fresheners, “Here Flo - Téa’s Bar Association sent you these air fresheners ‘cos they figured the air was getting pretty RANK in the Téa/Sykes romance department.”

“I’m doomed…” said FL.

******************************************************************************************************

Dim walked onto the newly remodeled set of Buchanan Enterprises dressed in a new power suit and a really short skirt. PC, KB, TDS, and JB were also on the set. The director yelled ‘Action!’ and the scene began.

Botrina and Asa were wheeling and dealing. Botrina was on the phone making million dollar deals and Asa was signing paperwork. Botrina hung up the phone.

“We got the Texas oil account G.D.,” said Botrina grinning.

“Good,” said Asa, “Now I can afford a really splashy wedding for Renee.”

“Let’s do some nip to celebrate,” said Botrina, “By the way, the redecorators did a really good job. I’m impressed.”

Asa pulled out his shot glasses from his jacket and lit his stogie.

Just then, RJ busted in. Following him in were two florist guys with a bunch of flowers, also deliverymen brought in chocolates, candies, cards, and cakes. RJ put a boom box on Botrina’s desk and played romantic jazz music. Botrina and Asa looked on at the outrageousness and stupidity of the romantic gesture. RJ crossed his arms and grinned all proud of himself. He gave Botrina a smoldering look of desire. Botrina melted like a puddle.

“Gannon - you punk!” said Asa, “Stop sucking up to my G.D.!”

“RJ,” said Botrina flabbergasted, “Where did you get all this stuff?”

“I don’t know. It just showed up at Indigo and I didn’t want it to go to waste so I thought I’d give it to you,” said RJ.

“Oh, how sweet,” said Botrina giving RJ a kiss.

“Ewewewewww…” muttered Asa crossing his arms.

Just then Sam walked in, “Asa! I’ve had it with your obnoxious interference. Will you stop tapping my phones!”

“No way Rappaport! I’m gonna dig up all the dirt I can on you and then I’m gonna dust you outta town…” said Asa.

Sam licked his lips.

Just then Sykes busted in Botrina’s office with the Llanview PD, “Arrest them!” yelled Sykes pointing a finger at Botrina and RJ.

“Huh?” muttered Asa.

“Why?” asked Sam.

“I have not committed any crimes!” yelled Botrina, “My father’s the police commissioner! He won’t approve of this!”

“Police Brutality!!” yelled RJ as the cops stuck handcuffs on him and Botrina.

“Rappaport!” yelled Asa, “Get my GrandDaughter out of this!”

Sam got in Sykes’s face, “I’m a lawyer. Why are you arresting Botrina - the police commissioner’s daughter and RJ?”

Sykes looked mean, “See all this?” He asked pointing to the romantic stuff.

“Yeah,” said Sam.

“I got all this for Téa and RJ stole it and gave it to Botrina. He’s a thief and she received stolen property and that’s a crime in and of itself,” said Sykes.

Botrina and RJ looked at each other stupidified.

“Sykes - aren’t you being a tad bit petty?” asked RJ.

“Sykes - did somebody steal your hairpiece?” asked Asa.

The scene ended.

***************************************************************************************************

The usual suspects were in the make-up room. DJ, DF, JSS, ET, EP, FL, GT, DW, and CC the newbie, gathered around RS who walked in with a laptop (she acquired from Jill way back when…) and jacked it into a phone line.

“Crew,” said RS, “It’s time to cruise the internet and get the scoop on Jill’s interview she gave last week.”

“Cool,” said DJ.

RS clicked on a site.

“Hey - what’s the feedback on my smut scene?” asked Poisonwood adjusting her arm bracelet.

The crew hovered over RS as she clicked on another site.

“Poisonwood is hot…” read ET.

“Krimmer is too old for Page…” read GT.

“Didn’t Andrew boff Auntie Téa?” read FL.

“What’s up with this INSANE insta-romance?” read DF.

“Guess you’re a hit Poisonwood,” said ET grinning.

RS clicked on another site.

“Téa and Sykes stink,” said JSS, “Not even an air freshener could help them out.”

FL frowned.

“Téa and Sykes have no chemistry,” read CC.

FL frowned harder, “I’m trying really hard…”

“Oh, this is funny,” said RS, “On this fanfiction site some kid named Trevor D. Manning stole Sykes’s hairpiece…”

“Who the HECK is Trevor D. Manning?” asked FL.

RS clicked on another site.

“We want more Sophia…” read DF.

“You’ve arrived CC,” said Dim.

“The Bold and the Beautiful acquired a gem in Andrea Evans…One Life To Live missed out on a potential casting coup…” read EP.

“Blame it on Jill,” said RS.

“One Life To Live also missed out when As The World Turns cast John Loprieno as Brad…” read ET.

“Don’t you feel like you’re being whipped??” asked RS. She clicked on another site.

“Here’s the notes from Jill’s latest interview last week…” started DJ, “Everything was Pam Long’s fault…”

“I can’t afford to hire new actors - there’s no way I’m bringing back Moose and Mud…” read GT.

“It’s not my fault,” read JSS.

“Renee and Cris are hot. I’m going to have Renee have a mad, passionate affair on the side while she’s married to Asa…” read DJ, “It’s a family values thing…wait till you see what I do for Mother’s Day…”

“Save One Life To Live. Boycott during sweeps. Let Jill know how you feel…” read ET.

The gossip crew looked at each other mortified, “Oh no. If there’s a boycott we might find ourselves on the unemployment line!!”

They all groaned in misery.

****************************************************************************************************

JFP, with two ciggies hanging out of her mouth, walked down the halls with Liz Hubbard. Liz used to play “Lucinda” on As The World Turns but he contract negotiations fell through and Liz was looking for another job. PC and Dim were following behind JFP and Liz and making fun of JFP by pretending to smoke ciggies too. Liz and JFP were deep in conversation.

“So, Liz…we got the perfect part for you - Asa’s sister, Ada…” said JFP. She stopped suddenly and turned around to look at PC and Dim. They instantly stopped making fun of Jill.

“Right, Phil? Liz would be perfect for Ada!” said JFP. Ash fell on the floor.

“Right,” said PC seriously.

Jill turned back around and started walking again.

“O.k., I like what I’m hearing so far,” said Liz.

“So, I’ll need you to screen test with Phil and Dim…” said JFP. They got to Jill’s office. Jill stopped. So did everyone else.

Liz looked at PC and Dim. They all grinned at each other.

Jill opened her office door and walked into her office.

Everyone followed her in. They were greeted with Bob Krimmer, Bob Woods, and Timothy D. Stickney wallpaper.

“Oh my God!” gagged Jill. Her ciggies fell out of her mouth and, “Damn that Robin!”

“There’s no way I’m working here,” said Liz Hubbard mortified.

*************************************************************************************************

Dim, Flo, JSS, EP, and TDS were drinking H20 in Dim and Flo’s dressing room after the workday.

“So did CC and Sue ever find dressing rooms?” asked JSS.

“They’re still re-doing CC and Robin’s dressing room. It should be ready for next week,” said Dim.

“Poor Sue. She got stuck with Tim Gibbs and John Bolger,” said EP, “I think Hill was going to take her in though. She was feeling sorry for Sue.”

“Flo, got scoop?” asked JSS.

“Téa gets the dumbass and tries to send RJ up the river…” said Flo in a disgusted tone of voice, “Scoop is depressing…”

“By the way, did anyone find Sykes’s hairpiece?” asked TDS. He shared an evil grin with Dim.

There was a knock on the door. Flo collected her postcard. She read, “Flo - I can’t believe the DRIVEL they are serving you. Stay away from the ice cream. By the way - Isn’t that Trevor D. Manning kid cute? He’s got that missing hairpiece. Rog. P.S. I miss you too Flo.”

“Who the HECK is Trevor D. Manning?” asked Dim.

“I miss Rog,” said Flo sadly.

NEXT:
1. Viki gets some.
2. Botrina and RJ and Sophia spend the night in jail.
3. Jill’s remodeling is complete.
4. Flo got scoop.