"My Office is a WAR ZONE...!"

This is a work of fiction. It is meant to be satirical in nature. Initially published on 27 March 1999. This is a Satire Classic

WHAT HAPPENS:

1. The VooDoo Rosies and the Rebel Rousers showdown in Jill's office.
2. More of Renee and Cris's Undeniable Chemistry
3. Robin comes back to work
4. Flo got scoop.

Dim and Flo went to the commissary to catch a bite to eat for breakfast. Flo got a croissant and coffee. Dim got a bagel and a coffee. They sat down.

“Flo, you seem depressed,” said Dim throwing the cream cheese on her bagel.

“I can’t win. I got more scenes with Jill’s matinee idol!” said Flo frowning.

HBS walked up carrying her tray, “Waitasec…I thought Kale was Jill’s matinee idol.”

“Hill, have a seat and join in our misery…” said Dim.

HBS took a seat.

“I had to kiss Sam the other day…” lamented Dim.

HBS wiped her mouth, “How come I gotta kiss the lips that have kissed every damn girl on this show? I need a toilet flusher!”

“So, how does Tim Gibbs fit in?” asked Flo.

“He’s the young stud,” said Dim, “Jill’s categories: Matinee Idol, Young Stud, Lip-Licking Stud...”

Just then Robin burst in and ran over to the table, happy to back to work. KdP was with her too and grinning.

“Robin!” exclaimed Dim.

“Dim!” exclaimed Robin.

They exchanged warm hugs.

“Girls, I got a new plan to screw with Jill…” hinted Robin, “Anyone taking bets? Kassie’s collecting the money.”

KdP wore a gambler’s hat and whipped out a notepad to take bets, “This is going to be good girls…”

“You torch Club Indigo with Jill and her stud crew inside?” asked HBS.

“Nah… I wouldn’t do that to RJ…” said Robin.

“You bought that new Seal-the-lips-together-lip-balm-“SealLips?” asked Flo.

“Nah…” said Robin.

“You put Tim Stickney and Wortham Krimmer’s pics in Jill’s Tim Gibbs and Kale Browne picture frames?” asked Dim.

Robin just grinned, “Worthy of me - but nope. Even better…”

Everyone just grinned.

*********************************************************************************************************

Dim and Don Jeffcoat walked onto the Rodi’s set. The director yelled ‘Action!’ and the scene began. Botrina and Joey were doing some family bonding. They were sitting next to the jukebox getting drunk.

“Max is all wrong for Kelly!” lamented Joey in his hood jacket.

“Joey - you want Kelly, make a play for her…” encouraged Botrina.

Kelly and Max walked in and sat at the bar.

Joey looked even more depressed.

Botrina whipped out Asa’s nip bottle and poured Joey and herself a shot. “Let’s toast Joey,” said Botrina.

“To what?” asked Joey all miserable.

“How miserable our lives are since we don’t kiss…ah, eat cheese, ah…suck up…ah…” started Botrina.

“I get the hint,” said Joey. He raised his glass and him and Botrina threw down a shot.

Renee walked in with Asa and sat down at the table.

Botrina waved ‘hi’ to her G.D. He waved back.

Téa walked in with Sykes hanging all over her. Téa threw down a handful of cough drops.

Ben walked in clutching Sophie’s arms and abusing her while shoving her down at a table.

“Hey!” said Botrina, looking at Sophie, “I know that girl!”

“You do?” asked Joey.

“C’Mon Cuzz,” said Botrina clutching Joey’s hand. She dragged him over to Ben and Sophie’s table were they were having a heated discussion. “Sophie!” exclaimed Botrina.

“Botrina!” exclaimed Sophie. She shot up out of her seat and the two girls exchanged a warm hug.

Cris walked in with Roseanne. Andrew, who was hanging out by himself and pissed that Téa was hanging all over Sykes motioned for Roseanne and Cris to join him.

“How do you two know each other?” asked Ben.

“We’re college buddies from UCLA,” said Botrina smiling.

“You got a college degree??” exclaimed Ben at Sophie.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” shot back Sophie.

Just then a Salsa beat played. Everyone turned around and watched Renee and Cris dance a hot salsa tamale number on the dance floor. Renee looked at Cris and bit her lip. Asa got jealous. Roseanne was too busy flirting with Andrew to notice.

The scene ended.

******************************************************************************************************

The usual suspects were hanging out in the make-up room. DJ, DF, JSS, GT, Dim, Flo, ET, and EP were all gabbing…

“What’s the latest Don?” asked ET.

“I heard the next HOT romance on the show was going to be Roseanne and Andrew…” said DJ grinning.

“Talk about a saint and a sinner,” said EP frowning.

“Talk about gross. Don’t you know your Auntie Téa did Andrew?” asked FL frowning.

“Jill likes to keep it in the family. I know,” said GT, “Trust me.”

Just then Robin walked in with the actress who plays Sophie, Charissa Chamarro, “Crew, we got a new addition to the gossip crew. Meet Charissa.”

“Just call me Cee,” said CC.

“Cool,” said DF.

Just then Erika Slezak walked, all pissed off.

“Who does that Jill think she is? She ran out of dressing rooms and had the GALL to stick me with a roommate!” lamented ES.

“Who’s your new roomie?” asked EP.

“Someone named Susan…” started ES.

“ROBIN!” screamed Jill bursting into the make-up room, “You stop it now!”

Everyone looked at Jill.

She had her hands on her hips, a toilet flusher hanging out of her back pocket and two ciggies hanging out of her mouth.

Just then a concussion grenade went off.

“What was that?” asked JSS.

“Erin’s Fan Club calls it a Rebel Grenade!” said Jill. She had soot on her face too boot.

“My fan club is here?” asked ET surprised.

RS giggled.

“Yep,” said Jill.

Just then loud pops filtered into the make-up room.

“What’s that?” asked CC.

“Erika Page’s Fan Club calls that the Chicken Bone Claymore Mine…it shoots Chicken bones and hexes…” explained Jill.

“My fan club is here too?” asked EP.

Just then Susan Misner and Mark Derwin walked in with soot on their faces, as if a bomb went off near them, holding a handful of chicken bones and broken toilet flushers.

“Oh, did I mention? Nora’s Toilet Flusher Breakfast Club is here too?” added Jill.

“Sue, you look rough,” said Dim.

“I was just attacked by a Rebel and some weirdo yelling, ica Buchanan Forever!”d SM.

“Mark, you look burnt…” added ES.

“Yeah, well…some VooDoo chicks put this hex on me!” said MD.

“Who let our two kookie fan clubs loose in the first place?” asked ET and EP.

Robin evilly grinned.

KdP showed up in her gambler’s hat and her bookie pad, “O.k…David Fumero came the closest…

****************************************************************************************************

Flo, Dim, TDS, EP, and JSS were hanging out in Flo and Dim’s dressing room.

“Flo, got scoop?” asked JSS chowing down a sandwich.

“Not really. I’m sick of this drivel. I’m not renewing my contract - unless Rog comes back…” said Flo frowning.

“Name one person who’s enjoying this?” asked TDS, “By the way Dim, I slipped in a adlib for you the other day.”

“I noticed Tim. Thanks,” said Dim.

“How many FOJ’s on this show? That’s how many people are enjoying this,” said EP.

Just then there was a knock on the door. Flo collected her postcard.

She read, “Flo, it was great hanging out with you last weekend. Don’t forget to brush your teeth after every kiss. Rog. P.S. I miss you too Flo.”

“Rog is cool,” said JSS.

“I miss Rog,” said Flo.

NEXT:
1. JFP gives Jonathan Reiner that long awaited interview!
2. WK and EP have a smut scene.
3. ES pulls rank with Jill.
4. Sophie and Botrina raise hell.
5. Flo got scoop.