An OLTL Satire - Part 42 - Mail is in, and it’s ALL Bad…

This is a work of fiction. It is meant to be satirical in nature.

WHAT HAPPENS:
1. JFP finds her Tim and Kale pics.
2. Botrina and Kelly do a girl’s night out.
3. ABCTim meets up with Poisonwood
4. Flo got scoop.

JFP walked into her office, a ciggie hanging out of her mouth, and discovered Poisonwood sitting behind her desk. Poisonwood was twirling a set of mardi gras beads around her hand, her feet up on JFP’s desk. “Mighty presumptuous Poisonwood. Putting your feet on my desk,” said JFP putting her hands on her hips. A bit of ash fell from JFP’s ciggie onto the floor.
“Well, I know you won’t stick me in a 1997 pastel power suit,” said Poisonwood.
“Since you’re here, I need your help,” said JFP shoo’ing Poisonwood out of her seat.
“With what?” asked Poisonwood.
“I need you kill a few rumors,” said JFP. She lit another ciggie.
“Oh? What?” asked Poisonwood.
“Kale and I aren’t registered at Bloomies,” said JFP.
“Oh? Where are you registered at?” asked Poisonwood.
“Macy’s,” said JFP.
Poisonwood just nodded her head in disgust.

*********************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Dim and Gina walked onto the Club Indigo set dressed in fishnet stockings and boas.
“You two look ridiculous,” said TDS.
Dim and Gina rolled their eyes, “And we feel ridiculous too.”
The director yelled ‘Action!’ and the scene began.
Botrina and Kelly walked into Club Indigo and sat down at the bar.
“Two asbachs and cokes, RJ,” said Botrina giving him the look.
RJ grinned at her, “Look, just don’t stay out late, o.k?”
“O.k., sweetie,” said Botrina.
“So, how’s life Trina?” asked Kelly, “How’s Buchanan Enterprises treating you?”
“Life sucks. Don’t tell anyone the head of Buchanan Enterprises is walking around town in fishnet stockings and a boa. Oh, and last week I lost an award I really wanted to win,” said Botrina.
“My lips are sealed,” said Kelly, “I feel stupid too.”
Téa walked in with Sykes hanging all over her. Sykes leered at her and Téa gagged. As they walked up to the bar, Téa popped a cough drop for her sore throat.
“Two drinks, RJ,” said Sykes.
“Hi Trina. Hi Kelly. Have a cough drop,” said Téa passing out cough drops, “I hear you guys have been gagging a lot lately too…”
Sykes kissed Téa’s cheek.
She ignored him and gave RJ a cough drop, “Here, RJ, have a cough drop.”
Téa and Sykes walked off. RJ popped his cough drop.
“That’s so gross the way he hangs all over her,” said Kelly.
“Don’t you know? He’s a matinee idol kinda guy…” added RJ.
“At least Max doesn’t leer at me…” said Kelly.
Botrina turned to RJ, “I’m glad you don’t hang all over me like that.”
“I know better,” said RJ.
Téa passed Carlotta, Renee, and Viki’s table and gave them a cough drop too.
“So, Kelly, where’s Max tonight anyway?” asked RJ.
“I’m in denial. I’m not seeing Max this week,” said Kelly.
Botrina picked up her purse, “Kelly, I’ll be right back. I think Téa needs my help. I’ve got a kitchen sink in my purse she needs…”
Kelly just grinned as Botrina walked off.
The scene ended.

*********************************************************************************************************************************************************

Dim and Robin walked across the street to pick up the emails.
“Sorry you lost your award…” said Robin.
“Yeah, well…what else is new?” asked Botrina.
They walked into ABCTim’s office.
“Hey Tim, got that OLTL email?” asked Dim.
“Yeah,” said ABCTim handing them a bunch of emails.
Just then Poisonwood waltzed in and took over Tim’s computer, “Hey Tim - I got a rumor I want to kill. Have a chicken bone.” Rosie threw Tim a chicken bone. Tim fell under her spell.
Dim and Robin just grinned as they walked out. As they entered the OLTL studios, they came across HBS chowing down on lunch as she waited in the main lobby.
“Hill, what’s up? Who are you waiting for?” asked Robin.
“The SOD guy. I’ve got an interview…” said Hill biting her sandwich, “I hope he hurries up…I gotta another hospital scene to tape.”
“Hey Hill, I’ve been meaning to ask you about those hospital scenes. How come you don’t shed one tear? I mean, you get all emotional but you just can’t seem to muster up the… whatever…to cry…” said Dim.
HBS just laughed, “C’Mon!! With the pathetic storyline I’ve got could YOU muster up a tear?? The only tears I’m shedding is over the demise of Bo and Nora.”

********************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Dim and Robin just grinned.
Dim and Robin walked into JFP’s office.
“Email call,” they said.
“Well, if it isn’t the Queen and Princess of Scheme. Give it to me straight girls,” said JFP dragging on her ciggie and writing notes on her snicker’s wrapper, “Ange can’t make it today…she’s got a meeting with the BIG boss.”
“Whatever,” said Dim, “Mail is in and it’s ALL bad.”
“Emmy nods out yet?” asked JFP.
“Nope. But you’ll have a riot on your outside the studio if Erin Torpey isn ’t nominated. This email says she’s got a new fan club. They’re calling themselves “THE-JESSICA-BUCHANAN-TAKES-NO-GRIEF-FROM-NO-ONE-NO-MORE” fan club,” said RS.
“Yeah. Right. I just can’t see them being as weird as Sonia’s fan club,”
said JFP dragging on her ciggie, “Who’s HOT? Who’s NOT?”
“HOT? No one. Except maybe RJ,” said Dim.
“COLD: Andrew. Needs to have sex. FREEZING: Kevin. I hear AW let John Littlefield go. They need a new Gary over there. AND TOTALLY GROSS: Sykes.
The fans are sending in barf bags - Sykes is soo gross,” said Robin.
“But,” said Dim, “ABSOLUTEY DISGUSTING: Sham. We’ve got emails from Lip-LikingInABlizzardIsHazardousToYourHealth@OLTL.com;
NoGoodViewerGoesUnpunished…It’sSham@OLTL.com; and WorseThanAnyProgramOnTheWBNetwork…It’sTheShamRappaportHour@OLTL.com, courtesy of Jilly,” finished Dim.
“Maybe I should hire Spammy back so she can take the blame again…” muttered JFP. She opened her drawer on her desk and her face lit up. And then it dropped.
“What’s up Jill?” asked Dim.
She held up her Kale and Tim pics. The frames were totally tarnished, “My frames are ruined!” exclaimed JFP.
“How sad,” said Robin TRYING not to giggle.
“When I find out who did this…they’re getting a pink slip!” said JFP.
“You’re a dictator Jill,” said Dim, “No wonder why the fans call you Cruella.”

*******************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Dim and Flo were in their dressing room. TDS, JSS, and EP were hanging out with them.
“Good work Poisonwood. I heard you killed a rumor today,” said TDS.
“I was getting bored not having anything to do,” said EP.
“Glad to give you some business,” said TDS grinning.
“Here Erika, we all chipped in and got you an engagement gift,” said JSS.
He gave her a book called “The Poisonwood Bible.”
“Aw, thanks,” said EP grinning at the thought, “I’ll make sure to invite all you guys to the wedding…if we don’t elope.”
“So, got scoop Flo?” asked Dim.
FL popped a cough drop and passed the bag around, “They let Sykes out of the hospital next week. Seems the kitchen sink didn’t do enough damage…Téa finds out he can still do his manly duties…”
Just then there was a knock on the door. JSS answered it, collected the postcard and gave it to Flo.
Flo read, “Flo, I’m worried about you. I don’t want you to O.D. on cough drops or get addicted to them…something like that. Things will get better. Trust me, Rog. P.S., I miss you too Flo.”
“When is Rog coming back?” asked Dim.
“I miss Rog,” said FL sadly.

NEXT:
1. The “Down With Cruella” Crew pays JFP a visit.
2. Erin Torpey’s fan club causes a ruckus in front of the studio.
3. Make-up room gossip. Will Sykes’s leering send Téa into Joey’s waiting arms?
4. Flo got scoop.

COPYRIGHT NOTICE: Copyright by DimWitt. Orginally published on 6 March 1999 on "Mediadomain OLTL Topic Board". Copyright owner provides the information on this server to anyone, but retains the copyright on all text. This means you may not: Distribute the text to others without the EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION of the copyright owner. You may: Print copies of the information for your own personal use, store the files on your own computer for your personal use only, reference hypertext documents on this server from your own documents.