An OLTL Satire - Part 41 - Botrina gets an award…!

This is a work of fiction. It is meant to be satirical in nature.

WHAT HAPPENS:
1. Stuttering John dimes Dim out.
2. Dim gets an award
3. SS and RH cameo
4. No Flo scoop

(AUTHOR’S NOTE: Last week’s scoops have been pre-empted and apply for next week).

It was a warm Southern California night at Universal Studios. The Universal Amphitheater was alive with activity. It was the night of the 15th annual soap opera awards.
Dim and Flo were socializing with other stars backstage. Both were dressed to the “nine”. Jules, Flo’s personal assistant, had come out to LA with Flo to help however she could.
“Thanks for bringing me along Flo,” said Jules grinning like the Cheshire cat.
“No problem. I got Jill to pick up the plane fare too,” said FL.
Just then, JFP walked up, “Oh, Dim…remember that benefit you volunteered for?” JFP was dragging on a ciggie.
“Ah, no…What did you volunteer me for this time?” asked Dim.
“Kelly bought a day as your personal assistant for charity,” said JFP.
“I don’t have a personal assistant,” said Dim.
“You do now. Meet Kelly,” said JFP. She walked off.
“Hi Kelly. This is Jules and Flo,” said Dim. They shook hands.
“Hi Dim. Hi Jules. Hi Flo,” said Kelly.
JSS walked up to Dim and kissed her cheek. Dim blushed.
“Hey, Jules, why don’t you take Kelly and go find Rog. We have to present tonight and we have to have a brief by Dick,” said Flo.
“Cool,” said Jules and Kelly in stereo, their eyes lighting up. They bolted in search of RH.
EP walked up dressed as “Poisonwood” with various Mardi Gras beads and her charm bag, “Look, Cruella finally broke down and got me a new charm bag.”
DJ walked up, “I’m impressed.”
Just then Stuttering John and Melissa the Intern from the Howard Stern Radio show walked up.
“Hhhhi guys,” stuttered John.
“Hi John,” they said.
“Mind if we ask you a few questions?” asked Melissa the Intern.
“Go ahead,” said Dim.
“Ssssooooo Dim, how, how, how, many eggs in a baker’s dozen?” asked John.
“13. I’m not that Dim,” said Dim.
“What would you do if you farted in the middle of your acceptance speech and everyone on national TV heard it?” asked Melissa the Intern.
“I’d dedicate that fart to Howard,” said Dim grinning.
A voice come over the intercom, “Take seats. The show will begin in two minutes.”
Everyone sat down and the show began.

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Deidre and Drake introduced the next presenters.
“Now, from One Life To Live, to present best scene stealer, male, are three scene stealers themselves…” began Deidre.
“One steals a scene with a gun, one uses Mardi Gras beads, charm bags, and chicken bones, and one uses her sarcastic witt. Please welcome Sonia Satra, Erika Page, and Dim Witt, Montana BooBee, Poisonwood Rosie, and Botrina Buchanan!” finished Drake.
There was lots of clapping and applause as EP, SS, and DW walked out in character.
“Nice power suit Dim,” said SS in her militia outfit.
“Thanks. My testosterone brigade picked it out for me. Cool charm bag Rosie,” said DW.
“Thanks. By the way, I love your new 9mm water pistol Sonia,” said EP.
“The Gun-For-Hire club gave it to me for a going away gift,” giggled SS.
They all looked at the teleprompter.
“Ah,” started EP, “In case you hadn’t notice we all know how to steal a scene…”
“And so do these guys…” said SS squinting.
“From One Life To Live, my very own G.D., Phil Carey…” said DW.
They played an Asa clip.
“From Another World, Stephen Schetzner…” said EP.
They played a Cass clip.
The girls tore open the paper, “And the winner is…Kin!”
KS went up and collected his award.
The show went on.

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Once again, after another costume change, Deidre and Drake introduced the next presenters.
“Now to present the next award, best newcomer, female, from One Life To Live, here are some dynamic performers new to presenting…” started Drake. “Please welcome Florencia Lozano and Roger Howarth, Todd and Téa Manning - the couple that just can’t seem to get it right…” finished Deidre.
FL and RH entered from opposite sides of the stage. They met in the middle and walked towards the mic.
“Wait! You forgot me!” came a voice. Little Kristen Alderson came barreling out onto the stage.
RH and FL laughed and RH picked up KA. They approached the mic, “See - we just can’t get it right,” said RH grinning.
“Hey Rog!” came a voice from the crowd, “How come you and Flo aren’t up for the HOTTEST couple?” It was Melissa the Intern.
“Ah, maybe we’re not that hot,” said RH blushing.
“You guys are TnT,” said KA grinning. FL and RH laughed.
“Maybe next year,” said FL. She looked at the teleprompter and squinted, “Now our nominees for best newcomer, female have got a lot in common. One loves to scheme…”
“One was bread to scheme…” said KA trying to read the teleprompter.
“And one is the Princess of Scheme,” said RH, “From Days of Our Lives, Patrika Darbo…”
They showed a Nancy clip.
“From As The Worm Turns, Jaime Nicole Dud-nee…” said KA.
They showed a Georgia clip.
“And from One Life To Live, Dim Witt…” said RH.
They showed a Botrina clip.
“And the winner is…” said RH. RH and FL let KA open the paper, “Dim Witt!”
Dim gagged and stumbled to the stage, in shock. She was the only one from One Life To Live to win anything.
“This is such an honor - The Princess of Scheme receiving her award from the Master Manipulator and the Money Grubbing Golddigger,” said Dim smiling at RH, FL, and KA, “I just want to thank the fans, my Testosterone Brigade, Soap Opera Digest, Angela Shapiro, my mentor, the Queen of Scheme, Robin Strasser, and my Executive Producer, Jill Farren Phelps for taking a chance on a down-on-her-luck-Another-World-Actress…Thank you!” said Dim.
AS turned to JFP, “I thought Dim was a newcomer. You didn’t tell me she was on Another World.”
JFP lit a ciggie, “I forgot about that.”
“Jill you Dweeb! Dim can’t win the award if she’s not a newcomer!”
exclaimed AS, “Now Days will launch a protest and Patrika Darbo will win by default!” yelled AS.
“Dim, dim, dim,” came a voice. It was stuttering John, “How, how, how, come you don’t use your rrrreal name Stephanie?”
The amphitheater became real quiet.
If looks could kill, Stuttering John would be dead.
Dim spoke up, “You’ve ruined the mystique of my stage name John. Thanks a lot. You sure know how to ruin a good time!”
“Someone kick that clown out!” came Dick Clark’s voice.
“Why, why, why are you kicking me out? Don’t you like Howard Stern?”
protested Stuttering John, “HOWARD STERN ROCKS!”
Deidre and Drake escorted RH, FL, KA, and DW off the stage.
“Jill, can’t you do a thing right?” asked AS, “The only award your show got will probably have to be given up by default.”
JFP dragged on her ciggie, “Oops. But you can’t fire me. I’m buds with PFK.”
AS shook her head in frustration.

NEXT:
1. Last week’s scoops! OLTL is back on in New York!