OLTL SATIRE-PART THIRTY SEVEN

An OLTL Satire - Part 37 - “Robin, Did you put those eggshells in the hall?”

This is a work of fiction. It is meant to be satirical in nature.

WHAT HAPPENS:
1. The Make-up room gossip crew is back
2. Poisonwood Rosie gets another kill
3. JFP gives up smoking
4. Flo got scoop

Dim was sitting in her dressing room stewing when Flo walked in.
“Morning Dim. What’s up with the eggshells in the hallway?” asked Flo hanging up her coat.
“I don’t know Flo, but it seems the whole cast is walking on them,” said Dim, “I think someone is trying to send Jill a message.”
“Yeah - everyone’s bummed about Laura,” said Flo pouring herself a coffee.
Robin Strasser waltzed into Dim and Flo’s dressing room. She was livid.
“Jill’s outta control girls. Something must be done!” exclaimed RS.
“Robin - Jill’s unstoppable,” said Flo sipping her coffee.
“Maybe if we blackmail her ass we can get her to do what we want,” suggested Dim sulking in her chair.
RS grinned, “Yeah, if we take her pictures of Tim and Kale we could blackmail her butt. Who should we put on the job?”
Dim grinned, “Sounds like a job for Poisonwood Rosie.”
Just then, Erika Page walked in.
Dim, Robin, and Flo grinned at her.

Dim was dressed in a 1997 pastel power suit. She was on the Club Indigo set with TDS, PC, FL, and KdP. Just then RB walked up and handed them all a script.
“Sorry guys, Jill wanted this last minute script change…” said RB.
FL, KdP, and Dim glanced over the script…
“What?” exclaimed KdP, “All of us girls fawn over Sykes???”
Dim gagged.
The director walked in and yelled, ‘Action!’ and the scene began…
Blair was singing a jazz tune.
Botrina was sitting with Asa listening to him lament about his problems with her father, The Sun, and Buchanan Enterprises.
Téa was at the bar having a drink, flirting with Ben.
“G.D., I’m going to the bar to get us a drink,” said Botrina.
“You know what I like right?” asked Asa lighting a stogie.
“Bourbon and Branch,” said Botrina. She walked up to bar.
“You know, Téa, I’m beginning to see you in a brand new light,” said RJ grinning at Téa. Ben went to give Viki a drink.
Botrina crossed her arms, “Quite the flirt aren’t you RJ?”
“Hey - I’ve seen you flirt with…ah…Joey…and now Sykes?” said TDS fumbling his line as if he was trying to remember it.
Téa gagged on her drink.
“Sykes ain’t such a bad guy…” muttered Botrina, “He’s just into obstruction of justice…”
Sykes walked in and up to bar, “Hi Téa. Hi Botrina.”
“Hi John,” said Téa and Botrina in stereo. RJ raised an eyebrow.
Blair finished her song and walked up, “Oh, Johnnie - my business partner is giving me a hard time,” she said batting her eyelashes, “Can you look into him and find out if he’s into anything…illegal?”
Blair rubbed right up against Sykes.
Téa and Botrina gagged on their drinks.
RJ rolled his eyes.
“So, who’s your partner?” asked Sykes sucking up to Blair’s attention.
“Asa,” cooed Blair.
“I’m not gonna let you screw over my G.D.,” said Botrina.
“Oh, this looks like it’s gonna get messy,” muttered Téa.
“Someone here has been smoking too many herbal ciggies,” remarked RJ.
The scene ended.

Dim and Flo walked into the makeup room and caught up with the gossip crew.
The usual suspects were present - DJ, ET, JSS, DF, RS, and GT. Everyone was sad. PC and ES walked in to get their makeup put on for their next scene.
“Hey Dim, I need a date for the soap opera awards - want to be my date?” asked JSS.
“You know Jason, I was looking for a date myself,” said Dim batting her eyelashes at him. Dim liked flirting with Jason.
“Ah, but I promised my Mom that if I ever got nominated for an award I’d take her too. Is that o.k?” asked JSS really sweet-like.
Dim got nervous, “So, I get to meet your Mom?”
Jason smiled, “Yeah.”
“You know it’s serious when you meet Mom,” said DJ.
Dim and Jason blushed.
“Hey, why all the glum faces?” asked ES.
“We’re all sad that Laura’s not coming back,” said ET.
“Hey, wasn’t Gloria Allred Hunter Tylo’s lawyer?” asked RS out of the blue.
“I heard Jill got 100 pink slips in the mail,” said GT.
“I heard Jill got 1,556 pink slips in the mail,” said DF.
“I think Jill’s frustrated. Isn’t Kale on vacation?” chimed in RS.
Just then, EP walked in dressed as “Poisonwood Rosie” with her charm bag hanging off her voodoo belt. She held up two framed pictures of KB and TG, “Guess what I got?”
RS grinned, “Our blackmail…”
EP gave the pics to RS.
“That girl is good. She should be a Buchanan,” said PC.
“Hey, G.D., I saw your comments in SOD about your nomination,” said Dim.
“Well, it’s the truth. Who’s gonna vote for this show?” asked PC, “I ain’t gonna win.”
“Hey Erika, I heard your boyfriend popped the question,” said DJ.
Poisonwood whipped out her hand and showed off her ring to the gossip crew.
Everyone oo’ed and ahh’ed.
“Congrats from one Erika to another,” said ES.
“Thanks,” said Poisonwood.
“I heard this rumor Sykes was gonna pop the question to Téa,” said ET.
FL gagged.
“Hey! I thought we got rid of insta-love when we canned the Spam?” asked DF, “I know Cris ain’t had any insta-love…”
“Flo, I’m telling you - you could have me - Joey and Téa! Why do you need Sykes? Joey can make Téa realize her full potential as a woman!” said DJ flirting with FL. FL grinned.
“Well, I can confirm Joey is good in bed - kind of,” said RS, “Didn’t Dorian have an affair with Joey - not that’d I’d remember. And let’s face it - Sykes hasn’t landed anyone yet. He could be a dud…Joey’s not a dud…if I remember correctly…”
“Besides, can you see Sykes in a love scene?” asked DJ, “I’m the man for you Flo.”
Flo broke into laughter, “You guys are a riot. I only want one man for Téa - and it ain’t Sykes…or Joey…”
“I’m not giving up on you Flo,” said DJ.

Dim and Robin flung open the door to JFP’s office and dragged in two mailbags. AS stopped yelling at JFP.
“Mail call,” said RS.
AS put her hands on her hips and frowned, “Take notes, Jill!”
Jill was stressed. She was smoking 3 ciggies. Jill grabbed her snickers wrapper.
RS picked up her mailbag and dropped it on JFP’s desk, “This one is full of cards and baby gifts for Laura.”
“Well - we’ll forward her mail…” muttered JFP.
“Robin, did you put those eggshells in the hall?” asked AS.
“Ah…no,” muttered RS trying not to sound guilty, “But it sounds like something I would do.”
Dim picked up her mailbag and dropped it next to Robin’s, “This one has another 852 pink slips in it for you Jill.”
JFP frowned, “Nobody likes me. Well, that’s not true. Catherine and I did lunch today…”
“Fans are pissed about Stephen and Laura…” said RS.
“Fans are pissed about the Botrina/RJ/Téa/Blair/Sykes whatever…” said Dim.
“Fans want Rog back…” said RS.
“Fans want Clint back…” said Dim.
“Fans want to forget the Bo, Nora, Sam HORROR…” said RS.
“However, one fan wrote to congratulate Richard Backus and the writing team saying the dialogue on the show has been great lately…” said Dim.
“That’s the one good piece of mail we got. Now, back to the bad. Fans are upset that Tim might resign…” added Robin.
“That’s enough,” said AS turning to JFP, “You’ve made a royal mess Jill!”
“What fun is it if you don’t make a mess…look at Guiding Light…” muttered JFP, “Another World…”
“You didn’t stick to the plan, Jill…” said AS.
“What plan?” asked JFP feigning ignorance.
“That’s it Jill. I’m taking away your ciggies. You’re giving up smoking as of now. And you’re not getting your ciggies back until you fix things…” said AS.
“Not my ciggies!” said JFP freaking out.
“Fork ‘em over!” said AS holding out her hand, “And while you’re at it, put out the ones you’re smoking. Your office is now a NO SMOKING ZONE.”
JFP put out her ciggies and opened her drawer, giving AS two cartons of ciggies. A look of HORROR crossed her face, “My Kale and Tim pictures are missing!”
Dim and RS tried to look innocent.
“You’ve got bigger worries Jill,” said AS, “You better pray Hunter Tylo’s lawyer doesn’t give you a call.”
“We gotta go,” said Dim and RS in stereo as they tiptoe’ed out of the office.

TDS, JSS, EP, Flo and Dim were in Dim and Flo’s dressing room at the end of the day chugging H20.
“So, let me see if I can follow this,” started TDS, “RJ and Botrina are going out and are mad at each other…”
“…so, Botrina’s gonna make RJ jealous by flirting with…Sykes…” said JSS. “…and RJ’s gonna make Botrina jealous by flirting with Blair and Téa…” chimed in EP.
“Sykes wants Téa…” added Dim.
“But Blair wants Sykes, just to piss Téa off…” said FL, “We all know who Téa really wants…”
“Maybe you should take Don up on his offer,” said JSS.
“I’m doomed!” said FL.
“So, got scoop Flo?” asked Dim.
“Well, I heard the “buzz” in the casting department is that Jill is seriously considering recasting Todd with Mark Pinter…” said FL.
“Ewewewewew… another FOJ!” exclaimed TDS, JSS, Dim, and EP.
“May I remind you that Rosie is an FOP?” asked Dim grinning at EP.
“Well, I don’t suck up to Jill like some people do,” said EP, “I’ve got better things to do with my time.”
“Where’s Rog’s postcard he usually sends you?” asked TDS.
On cue, there was a knock on the door. JSS opened the door since he was closest.
“Postcard for Ms. Lozano,” said the dude.
Flo collected her postcard. EP, TDS, JSS, and Dim looked on intently.
“Flo,” read FL. She paused.
“Go on…” said TDS.
“We’re dying to hear it…” said Dim.
“If you see Laura, give her my best. Has anyone tried taking away Jill’s ciggies yet? Rehearsal is going good. SOD asked us to present as the awards show. What do you say? Hang in there. Rog. P.S., I miss you too Flo.”
“Rog is so sweet,” said EP.
“It’s going to be a long week,” said Dim.
“I miss Rog,” said Flo.

NEXT:
1. JFP franticly searches for her TG/KB pics.
2. JSS and Dim have a scene together.
3. Asa and Botrina plot.
4. Viki kisses Ben
5. Flo got scoop