OLTL SATIRE-PART THIRTY SIX

An OLTL Satire - Part 36 - JFP’s intercom has multiple personalities…ah, channels… This is a work of fiction. It is meant to be satirical in nature.

WHAT HAPPENS:
1. Joey and Botrina conspire against Kevin’s latest trick. RJ is jealous.
2. JFP forces Dim and Robin to do an on-line chat.
3. Bo and Nora have a BIG fight
4. Poisonwood Rosie gets her first kill
5. Flo got scoop.

It was early in the morning. Erika Page, dressed as Poisonwood Rosie, walked into JFP’s freshly cleaned office. JFP was smoking two ciggies and listening to [Twilight Zone] music on her intercom.
“Jill, you know you can hear that music clear down the hall,” said Poisonwood jingling her charm bag, “What’s up?”
“Poisonwood, you come highly recommended from Montana BooBee. I have need of your services. I need you to kill a few rumors,” said JFP putting her hands on her hips.
Poisonwood reached in her charm bag and threw JFP a bone, ah, I mean a cigar.
JFP picked it up, “What’s this?”
“Special Cuban mix. Try it,” said Poisonwood, “Now what rumors am I killing?”
“Now, Poisonwood, you know a few good people got the axe lately - but only because they didn’t do my hands across America thing and didn’t [suck up] to me. Well, now I’m being hounded by fans who think Robin, Erika Slezak, and Tim Gibbs are next. Please, kill the rumors. And put out the reason why all those other people got the axe was for dictated storyline reasons,” rattled off Jill.
“What’s it in for me, Jill? After all, it’s dirty work lying like that,” said Poisonwood.
“I dunno. Free tickets to Rog’s play?” asked JFP.
Poisonwood grinned and walked off.

Dim, dressed in a 1997 pastel colored power suit, was on the Buchanan Enterprises set. DJ, dressed as “Joey The Hood” joined her. The director yelled, ‘Action!’ and the scene began.
Joey burst into Botrina’s office, “Botrina - Cuzz - I need your help!” he sounded frantic.
Botrina got up from behind her seat, “Joey, chill out. What’s up?”
“Kevin, in an attempt to piss off Dorian gave Kelly a BIG FAT KISS in front of her. Dorian blew a gasket and now I think Kelly’s falling for Kevin and she deserves better than that!” exclaimed Joey.
“Well, the last thing we need is for Kevin to walk about Llanview screaming [“muh-girl-lie-Kel-lie!”] said Botrina franticly, “Look, Joey - what Kelly needs is another man to get her mind off Kevin. Throw her a bone.”
“Well, I was kinda hoping to chase after Téa’s skirts…” replied Joey.
“Oh,” muttered Botrina, “Well, what about that Jr. Editor at the Sun, what’s his name? Mike? Hook them up.”
“Botrina, I’m glad the Llanview female brain sucking machine looked over you,” said Joey giving Botrina a hug. RJ walked in.
“What’s going on?” asked RJ.
Botrina giggled, “Well, isn’t this ironic. Where’s AirBlair?”
Bo walked in. Everyone turned around and looked at him. Bo looked frazzled.
Botrina broke Joey’s embrace, “Dad - what’s up?”
“You know Nora and I had a fight, right?” asked Bo starting to pace.
“Yeah…”
“Well, she came to the police station and started nagging on me so I had to leave so I thought I’d come hang out with you. After all, it’s been a while,” said Bo.
“I’m going,” said Joey.
“Not so fast,” said RJ grabbing Joey by his jacket’s collar, “We got business to settle.”
“Am I disturbing something?” asked Bo.
Just then Nora walked in and started nagging Bo again.
Botrina got pissed, “SHUT UP ALL OF YOU! THIS IS MY OFFICE - NOT A ZOO! NOW ALL OF YOU GET OUT!”
The loud noise stopped and everyone looked at Botrina.
“Please?” asked Botrina sarcastically.
They all left.
The scene ended.

Dim and Robin walked across the street to the Admin office of ABC at noon to do their on-line chat. JFP was getting them back for leaving Mud and Moose in her office.
“Robin, I heard Jill’s cracking down. She asked you not to talk about the show on your hotline, huh?” asked Dim as they walked into the office.
“ABCTim is waiting for you,” said the receptionist.
“Whoopee,” said Robin all thrilled.
They walked into the computer room and met ABCTim. He got them situated behind the computer.
ABCTIM: We’re on line with Dim Witt who plays Botrina Tran Buchanan and Robin Strasser who plays Dorian Lord Hayes. We’ll take the first question…
DORIANFAN: Robin, it is true you and Dim turned JFP’s office into a zoo?
RS: I can’t talk about the show.
BOTRINAFAN: Dim, is it true Botrina and RJ are going to break up?
DW: Well, I can’t talk about the show anymore but keep in mind Spammy isn’t writing the show anymore.
LIZ2: Robin, do you get along with JFP?
RS: On occasion.
ANGELAB: Dim, is JSS a good kisser?
DW: (blush) I’ll never tell.
NIKI_SMITH: Robin, any good Dorian and Viki cat fight scenes coming up?
RS: I can’t talk about the show. Oh screw it, I’ll break my vow of silence - yes.
JACK66: Dim, don’t you find Kevin’s “muh wife” annoying?
DW: “Muh dear…I wish Kevin Stapleton was back in the part” yes.
JULES: Dim, Robin, what would you do to improve the show?
DW & RS: Hire Montana BooBee back. LOL!!
SEW: Dim, when is the Botrina Tran Power Suit Army going to do lunch again?
DW: When JFP gives me back my commissary privileges.
END OF CHAT…
ABCTIM: Hey - wait - what are you doing???? Go away….
POISONWOOD ROSIE: I’m here to kill a few rumors. Here Tim, have a chicken bone and “Hubba-Hubba” potion. Robin Strasser, Erika Slezak, and TIMOTHY GIBBS are not getting the axe. And if you don’t believe me - I’ll HEX you.
ABCTIM: Ah, thank you Poisonwood Rosie for the “Hubba-Hubba” thing.
Consider those rumors killed.

Dim and Robin brought JFP the mail.
“Well girls?” asked JFP lighting up Poisonwood’s cigar, “Look, now I’ve got multiple channels on my intercom. She flicked on “Happy Days are here again” music, “By the way - I forgive you for turning my office into a zoo.”
“Mighty big of you Jill,” said Dim, “By the way - ratings are up.”
“Fans fine Kevin’s [muh wife] annoying,” added Robin.
“But Tim is sooooooo good looking,” said JFP.
“We got 500 cards wishing Laura Koffman well on her upcoming bundle of joy,” said Dim.
“Forward them to her manager, I gave her the axe, ah, I mean, I let her go for storyline reasons….” said JFP, “How did Sam do in the polls?”
“Well, he ain’t first and he ain’t last,” said Robin.
“Who was last?” asked JFP.
“Kevin, as USUAL,” said Dim.
JFP dragged long and hard on her cigar.
Just then Sipowitz and Sorenson from NYPD Blue walked in.
“Ms. Phelps - I see you’re smoking a Cuban cigar. I’m gonna have to take you down to the police station,” said Sipowitz.
JFP gagged on her cigar.

It was the end of the day. Dim and Flo were in their dressing room chugging H20 with TDS, JSS, and EP.
“Who do you think Jill’s gonna axe next?” asked EP.
“I dunno but I check my locker everyday,” said TDS, “For that pink slip.”
There was a knock on the door. Flo collected her postcard. She read, “Flo, got you tickets for my play’s opening night. I’ll even get you backstage so you can bring Dim and Jason. Hear Jill’s on a rampage. Stick Poisonwood on her! Rog. P.S. I miss you too Flo.”
“Flo, got scoop?” asked JSS.
“Blair gets lost in a shopping mall and Téa prosecutes her for shoplifting. Oh, and Kale bailed Jill out of jail for smoking the Cuban cigar,” said Flo.
“Schucks!” said Dim.
“Where did she get that cigar anyway?” asked TDS.
Everyone looked at EP.
“Hey, Rog, smokes too you know,” said EP trying to change the subject.
“I miss Rog,” said Flo.

NEXT:
1. The make-up room gossip crew is back!
2. Poisonwood gets another kill.
3. JFP gives up smoking.
4. Flo got scoop