OLTL SATIRE-PART THIRTY FIVE

Subject: An OLTL Satire - Part 35 - Robin’s Revenge: JFP steps in doggie dung and birdy turdy

This is a work of fiction. It is meant to be satirical in nature.

WHAT HAPPENS:
1. RS is back to work on the set and her and Dim get revenge on JFP for “firing” SM.
2. Botrina/Blair/Kelly/Téa/Roseanne catfight. Nora breaks it up.
3. Mark Derwin reports to work. Viki “oogles” Ben.
4. Flo got scoop.

It was early in the morning when Dim walked in. As she walked into her dressing room, Robin Strasser stopped pacing and approached Dim.
“Dim…only you…can help me get revenge on JFP…” started Robin, “Poor Stephen! He’s gotten such a bum rap…”
“Do something Dim. Robin’s been pacing the dressing room since I got in,” said FL sitting at her table and drinking her coffee.
Dim took off her coat, “Well, Robin, I got some prozac…”
“Prozac? Not mean enough…” said RS.
“We could steal her pics of Kale and Tim,” suggested Dim pouring herself a coffee.
“We could change her intercom music? Lose her snickers wrapper?” added Dim sitting down. RS continued to pace.
“You know, Jill hated the pets…” started FL.
Robin stopped pacing and her face lit up like a Christmas tree, “I got it Dim!”
“What?” asked Dim.
“We let Mud and Moose have two uninterrupted hours alone in Jill’s office…” started Robin.
“Yeah! Her office will stink like a zoo,” said Dim grinning.
“It’ll look like one too,” said FL, “Look, Rog and I hid Moose in the Penthouse kitchen.”
“Good,” said Robin, “Where’s Mud hiding?”
“We’ll have to ask Hill and Bob,” said FL.
“Now, isn’t there a big catfight scene coming up today?” asked Robin.
“Yep,” said Dim.
“Good. I’ll get Jill to watch the catfight then go and let Mud and Moose loose in her office…” said RS.
“Oh, you’re good,” said Dim grinning.
“I’m the master,” said RS.

KdP and Dim were on the Club Indigo set getting ready for their big catfight scene. A page walked up to them and gave them new scripts, “You’ve got a re-write Ms. dePaiva - Ms. Witt.”
“What?” exclaimed KdP, “We tape in five minutes!”
Dim looked at the script and her eyes bugged out, Kassie - this is crazy!”
Kassie looked at her script, “I thought we fired Spammy…” muttered KdP.
The director came on scene accompanied by JFP, “Places everyone,” said the director.
KdP, dressed in a lounge gown, got on top of the grand piano. Dim sat down on the bar next to GT who just walked in. TDS and MD walked in and took their places in back of the bar.
“And - Action!” yelled the director.
Blair was singing a jazz song on the piano, a la Michelle Pfeiffer.
Kelly and Botrina were at the bar drinking.
Botrina put down her glass, “Gimme another!”
“Trina - you’re tanked,” said RJ, “You don’t need another.”
“What are you - her boyfriend?” asked Kelly sticking up for Botrina.
“He don’t know,” said Botrina, “He’s been eyeing Blair lately.”
“That’s not fair!” said RJ.
Ben gave Botrina a drink. RJ took it away.
“What are you doing man? Can’t you see she’s had enough?” asked RJ.
Viki walked in and took a table near the bar.
Ben walked up to Viki, “Hi. Need a drink?”
Viki oogled Ben.
“I’ll have a gin and tonic while I wait for a friend,” said Viki.
“Hope it’s not another guy - I’d hate to have competition…” said Ben giving Viki the once over.
“No, it’s not a guy,” said Viki. Just then Carlotta walked in and joined Viki. Ben went to get Viki’s drink.
At the bar, Botrina turned to Kelly, “Just look at Blair. I want to pull the whole damn piano out from under her ass.”
“Well, ever since I went to go run the Sun with Blair she’s always calling me names and treating me pretty shabby,” said Kelly.
Téa walked up, “Yeah - I’m sick of Blair calling me a golddigger and printing lies about me in the Sun.”
“Hey,” said Kelly, “I try to stop that.” She gave Téa a drink. Téa slammed it down.
Roseanne walked up, “Yeah - and I’m sick of Blair screwing with my Aunt.” Téa, Kelly, and Botrina raised an eyebrow and looked at Roseanne.
“And where is this sudden affection coming from?” adlibbed FL.
Botrina called a huddle to discuss the plan.
Nora walked in and joined Viki and Carlotta.
RJ leaned over and whispered to Ben, “Don’t look now but it’s a meeting of the minds…”
“Or brain gaskets…” added Ben.
Botrina, Kelly, Téa, and Roseanne broke from their football huddle, slammed the rest of their drinks, and walked over to the piano. Each of them bent down, grabbed a leg, and pulled. The piano came crashing down.
“Why you hussies!” exclaimed Blair, “I’ll take you all on!”
“Catfight!” yelled Botrina. And it was on. Botrina, Blair, Kelly, Téa, and Roseanne started swinging away, slapping, and pulling hair, scratching clothes and drawing blood.
Viki, Carlotta, and Nora looked on.
“I put five bucks on Botrina,” said Nora, “I’ve been in a catfight with her before. She’s wicked.”
“Roseanne’s ruthless,” said Carlotta, “I see your five bucks and raise you ten.”
“Who is your money on Viki?” asked Nora.
“Lindsay,” said Viki grinning.
“Well, I suppose, Bo would never forgive me if I didn’t pull his ONLY daughter out of the fray…” muttered Nora standing up. She walked over to the bar.
“My piano!” muttered RJ, his head in his hands.
“Gimme a bottle of your best hooch,” said Nora looking at Ben.
Ben did.
“Hey, Nora!” said RJ, “You can’t drink that. You’re pregnant!”
“No kidding, RJ. It’s not for consumption,” said Nora.
Nora, holding the hooch, walked through the fray, stepped on what was left of the piano and threw the hooch on the floor. The noise of shattering glass stopped the fight. Botrina, Kelly, Blair, Téa, and Roseanne looked up.
“C’Mon Missy,” said Nora grabbing Botrina’s hand, “You’re going home to your father.”
Botrina frowned.
The scene ended.
“Bravo!” yelled JFP.

Dim and RS were carrying the mail to JFP’s office, walking behind JFP who was smoking two ciggies and gabbing about the catfight scene.
Dim and RS grinned at each other when JFP got to her door. She opened the door - and started gagging on the foul stench coming from her office.
TDS, WK, and SM, who was taping his final scenes, came tiptoeing down the hall. SM tried not to chuckle too hard.
“Oooooh, Robin, it wreaks,” muttered Dim. Dim and RS followed JFP in.
“My office is a zoo!” exclaimed JFP.
Dim and RS started laughing.
“Loose as a Moose!” said Moose flying around her desk.
“I thought I got rid of the darn bird!” exclaimed JFP.
“Whoof! Whoof!” said Mud. He pee’d on a leg to JFP’s desk.
TDS, WK, and SM stuck their heads in the office while holding their noses.
“Cement Shoes!” said Moose.
JFP gagged.
“Robin, Dim, you did good. Thanks,” said Stephen Markle.
JFP looked at Dim and Robin, “You two did this?”
RS and Dim nodded their heads, “Hey, we went up .4 points in the ratings…” muttered Dim.
“I’LL THROTTLE YOU BOTH!” yelled JFP going after Dim and Robin.
Dim and Robin grabbed Moose and Mud and ran out. JFP stepped in doggie dung and birdie turdie.

FL, Dim, JSS, and DJ were in Flo and Dim’s dressing room at the end of the day.
“…so, Jill took away my commissary privileges and I’ve got to wear Flo’s leftover pastels from 1997,” said Dim explaining her punishment.
“Hey, thanks for inviting me to Howard Stern’s New Year’s eve bash,” said DJ, “I had a great time.”
There was a knock on the door. Flo collected her postcard and read it
outloud, “Hey Flo, Téa figure out the key yet? Heard they hired on Harding Lemay to consult. It’s a step in the right direction. Hey - February’s only a few weeks away…hehehe. Rog. P.S. I miss you too, Flo.”
“So, got scoop?” asked Dim.
“Téa sits on the same backburner with RJ and continues to do drivel with JdP,” said FL.
“Hey, February’s only a few weeks away,” said DJ, “You know, Joey needs a girl now that Montana is gone…”
“I miss Rog,” said Flo.

NEXT:
1. Joey and Botrina conspire against Kevin’s latest trick. RJ is jealous!
2. JFP forces Dim and RS to do an on-line chat.
3. Bo and Nora have a big fight.
4. Poisonwood Rosie gets her first kill.
5. Flo got scoop.