OLTL SATIRE-PART THIRTY FOUR

An OLTL Satire - Part 34 - "Fans are Pi$$ed…"

This is a work of fiction. It is meant to be satirical in nature.

WHAT HAPPENS:
1. KdP, FL, GT, Dim, and JFP go to see RS's play.
2. Does Botrina have competition for RJ from…Blair.
3. Poisonwood Rose on the Jay Leno show.
4. Flo got scoop.

It was 6:30 p.m. and RS's play started at 7 p.m. The NYC air was chilly cold. FL, GT, DW, and KdP met outside the theatre waiting for JFP to show up. They drew straws to see who was going to go backstage and break the news to Robin that JFP and SM had a "disagreement" and SM was leaving the show.
"Damn!" said Dim, "I got the short straw!"
"I got the long one," said KdP.
"Well, I'm glad I don't have to face Robin," said FL smiling.
"Wish Jill would show up. I'm freezing," said GT. She saw her breath. "Tell you what," said Dim, "Me and Kassie will sneak backstage now and break the news to Robin. You guys wait for Jill - and her pack of ciggies."
"O.k.," said Gina.
"Hey, are we going out to that little café around the corner after the play with Robin for a drink or two?" asked FL.
"Sure," said Dim, "But we gotta ditch Jill first…"
Dim and Kassie went inside the theatre and snuck past the ushers, dodged the bullets, and with some help from a Spam Bomb, found RS's dressing room. "Robin!" exclaimed Kassie and Dim busting into her dressing room.
Robin, wearing a blonde wig, smiled at them, "Kassie! Dim! It's good to see you. Where's Flo and Gina?"
"Waiting for Jill," said Dim.
They exchanged hugs.
"I heard Jill hired another FOJ," said Robin frowning.
"That's not all," said Kassie.
"Well, I heard Montana BooBee is gone. Out of all the FOJ's, she was the funniest," said RS touching up her makeup.
"Ah," said Dim, "That's not it…"
"Clint Ritchie left? And boy did they give him a poor send off. After 19 years…." muttered RS.
Dim and Kassie looked at each other and made a face.
"Oh, I'll do it," said Dim turning to Robin, "Jill and Stephen Markle got into it and Jill gave Steve the axe. Mind you, that's just my spin on it."
RS's face fell, "Jill…gave Steve…the axe? But Ange said…"
"Yep," said KdP confirming the bad news.
"Dim…it's time to go into revenge mode," said RS firmly.
Dim smiled.
"Oh no…" muttered KdP.

The next day, Dim, TDS, and KdP showed up on the Club Indigo set ready to tape after a hectic morning of blocking. Dim was in her usual Botrina Tran Power Suit. With the really short skirt.
"So, what's the hold up?" asked TDS.
"I think we're waiting for the anonymous director…what's his name…Smithe?" said KdP.
The director ran onto the set, "Sorry, I'm late…"
"We gotta get the union crew back soon…" said Dim.
"And…Action!" said the director. The scene began.
Club Indigo was busy. Botrina sat at the bar sipping a drink. RJ was pouring drinks lamenting the fact he needed a new bartender. Blair was on stage singing, "All That Jazz". Max was sitting at the bar, leering at Blair. Kelly walked in and took the seat next to Botrina.
"Need a drink, Kelly?" asked Botrina.
"Yeah - I'll take an Asbach and coke," said Kelly.
RJ made the drink and gave it to Kelly, "Boy, that Blair can sing, huh?"
Botrina looked at Kelly and frowned, "Better than I could."
"Blair's been hanging out here a lot," said Kelly, "I understand her and Téa are slinging the mud around again."
"Blair's singing draws in a crowd," said RJ, "Business has never been better."
"Hey! I like making money!" injected Max.
"You would," said Kelly.
Botrina looked at RJ and raised an eyebrow, "So, what's up with you and Blair?"
"Jealous Botrina?" questioned RJ. Max and Botrina frowned at RJ.
"Do I have reason to be?" asked Botrina sipping her drink.
"She better not," muttered Max.
RJ raised an eyebrow. The scene ended.

The make-up room gossip crew gathered in the makeup room. The usual suspects minus one (Sonia Satra) were there - DJ, DF, FL, DW, ET, and GT were all getting done up. JSS walked in carrying a TV and a built in VCR.
He set it up and the crew gathered around. Some unusual suspects such as ES, KB, CH, KdP, JdP, NP, TDS, RSW, PC, HBS, and PM came in. JSS turned on the TV and sat down next to DW. They held hands. The Jay Leno show, which had taped the previous day, played.
"Tonight's guest is Erika Page who plays Poisonwood Rosie - ah, I mean "Roseanne Delgado" on the daytime drama One Life To Live…" said Jay reading off a card.
EP walked out dressed as "Poisonwood Rosie", holding a voodoo bag. The crowd cheered and Jay shook EP's hand.
"So, ah, Roseanne - or should I call you Poisonwood? What brings out to LA since your show tapes in NYC?" asked Jay.
"I'm visiting friends and family in LA over the holiday season," said EP.
"So, what's in the voodoo bag," said Jay.
"GO ERIKA GO!" yelled DF, obviously proud of his co-star.
Everyone looked at him.
"Can't say I'm not a team player," said DF.
"My arsenal to stop all the evil OLTL rumors. Poison potions and chicken bones," explained EP.
"Ewewewewwww…" said ET.
"I'd like to say "HI" to the cast of OLTL including my buds, Flo Lozano and Pat Mauceri," said EP waving into the camera.
Everyone eyed Flo.
"Hey, how much did you two pay her to say that?" asked Dim.
FL and PM blushed.

Dim and JSS walked into JFP's office with the mail. JFP was dragging on two ciggies, reviewing block Emmy voting procedures.
"Stressed, Jill?" asked Dim.
"I gotta figure out this Emmy nomination thing…" muttered Jill, "I gotta job to keep. So, give it to me straight…"
"Ratings improved slightly," said Dim.
"Well, that's 'cos Spammy left…" muttered Jill. She turned the paper around in her hand and began writing notes on her snickers wrapper.
"Fans are pissed CR is gone…" said JSS.
"Fans are pissed SM is leaving…" said Dim.
"Fans are pissed RH is gone…" said JSS.
"And the Montana BooBee Gun-For-Hire fan club is royally PISSED at you for firing BooBee and issued a Spam Bomb alert on you for axing Sonia…" said Dim.
Jill put her hands on her hips, "I did not fire Sonia! She had a short term contract. Why does she have the weirdest fan club I know??? Why is everyone Pissed??"
"Oh," added JSS, "Fans want an episode dedicated to Michael Zaslow and are PISSED Guiding Light beat you to the punch."
JFP dragged on a ciggie, "Just my luck. I need a plan." JFP pressed her intercom and Twilight Zone music played, "Dick! We need a plan!" she yelled into it.
Dim and JSS looked at each other, "We're in trouble…"
Dim turned to Jill, "So, what did Santa bring you this year, Jill?"

Flo, Dim, and JSS were in Dim and Flo's dressing room chugging H20 after a busy day.
"Boy, it's been slow over the holidays…" said FL.
"Flo, you know that Howard Stern invited Jason and I to his New Year's Party and we can each invite one guest. So, you want to hang with us or what?" asked Dim.
Flo's face lit up, "Sure! Who else is coming?"
"I asked Don if he wanted to come," said Jason.
"Knowing my luck, I'll hear about how wonderful Téa and Joey would be if they hooked up all night," said FL, "So anyone know what Jill's up too?"
"I think she's doing a Hands Across America thing…" said Dim.
There was a knock on the door, "Postcard for you, Miss Lozano."
Flo collected her postcard.
"What does it say?" asked Dim.
"Flo, Happy New Year! Don't stay up late, Rog. P.S. I miss you too, Flo."
"How sweet," said JSS.
"Got scoop Flo?" asked Dim chugging some H20.
"Nobody running the show has a clue," said FL grinning.
"Well, I'm sure if we ask Clint and Steve they probably would agree," said Dim grinning.
"I miss Rog," said Flo.

NEXT:
1. RS is back to work on the set and her and Dim get revenge on JFP for "Firing" SM.
2. Botrina/Blair/Kelly/Téa/Roseanne catfight. Nora breaks it up.
3. Mark Derwin reports to work. Viki "oogles" Ben.
4. Flo got scoop.