OLTL SATIRE-PART THIRTY THREE

An OLTL Satire - Part 33 - “Just call me Poisonwood Rosie!”

This is a work of fiction. It is meant to be satirical in nature.

WHAT HAPPENS:
1. The OLTL Christmas Party!
2. KdP gets tickets to Robin Strasser’s play
3. Mark Derwin shows up for work
4. Flo got scoop

Dim walked into her dressing room. It was early. Flo was all ready there, drinking a cup of coffee.
“Hi, Flo,” said Dim taking off her coat and putting down her backpack.
“Hi, Dim,” said Flo.
“I can’t believe Jill’s making us tape on party day,” said Dim rummaging around her backpack.
“Jill - the slavedriver,” joked Flo.
“Flo, I know today’s your birthday so I got you a gift,” said Dim pulling out a wrapped gift.
“Oh, Thank you,” said Flo taking the package and ripping the wrapping off the present.
“Dim! It’s a candle! I’m in shock! You’re always joking that I’m a pyro and I can’t be trusted with fire,” grinned Flo.
Dim poured herself a cup of coffee, “Those were just jokes Flo.”

Flo sniffed the candle, “Ummmmm - Lilacs. The New Hampshire state flower.” “How did you know that?” asked Dim.
“I grew up in Massachusetts - not too far away from New Hampshire,” said Flo.
“No way! I grew up in New Hampshire!” exclaimed Dim.
“No way!” said Flo, “I grew up near Boston in Newton Centre.”
“I grew up in Manchester, New Hampshire!” said Dim.
“That’s wild,” said Flo, “You know Gina, Laura, and Hillary are from New England too.”
“Really?” questioned Dim.
“Yeah. Hillary grew up in Mass - Laura grew up in Mass and Maine, and Gina’ s from Rhode Island,” said Flo.
“We should start a club,” joked Dim.
Flo laughed.
“Well Flo, Happy Birthday. Best wishes and I hope great things come your way,” said Dim smiling.
“Thanks,” said Flo returning the smile.

The director yelled ‘Action!’ and the scene began.
RJ paced behind the bar at Club Indigo. Blair Cramer walked in and sat down on the bar. She was pissed.
“RJ - gimme a stiff drink. Double it and put it on the rocks,” demanded Blair.
“What’s got you pissed?” asked RJ.
“That no account - Téa Delgado is prosecuting me for perjury,” said Blair.
RJ gave her the drink.
“Shouldn’t you be in jail?” asked RJ.
“I posted bail,” said Blair slamming her drink, “Another please.”
RJ poured her another. The phone rang. RJ answered it.
“What? Your kidding?” exclaimed RJ, “No - screw you!” RJ slammed the phone down.
“Pissed?” asked Blair.
“My singer just cancelled and I packed the house on a promise to have live music tonight,” explained RJ.
“Poor you,” said Blair.
“Don’t you sing?” asked RJ.
“Well - yeah - I can sing,” said Blair.
RJ smiled at her.
“I’m hard up. Sing for the club,” said RJ.
“Me? Sing for you?” questioned Blair.
“Yeah. You. Sing,” said RJ.
Botrina walked up to the bar, dressed in a power suit after a hard day’s work with her arms crossed, “Am I interrupting?”
RJ and Blair smiled.
Botrina frowned.
The scene ended.

Dim and Flo walked into the fancy NY restaurant where the OLTL Christmas party was being held.
“Flo!” came a voice.
“Rog!” said Flo.
They exchanged a quick hug.
“Hey everyone, it’s Flo’s birthday!” said RH.
The cast sang “Happy Birthday” to Flo. Flo turned red.
Rog handed Flo a cupcake. It was frosted and on it the frosting said, “Happy B-Day Flo.”
“Thanks, Rog,” said Flo taking a bite of the cupcake.
Rog went to get a drink and KdP walked up to FL. KdP motioned for Dim, Gina, and Laura to join them.
“What’s up Kassie?” asked FL.
“Robin got me five tickets for her play and wants us to go,” said KdP holding up the tickets.
“Cool. Count me in,” said Dim.
“Sure,” said Flo.
“I’ll go,” said Gina.
“I’ll have to pass,” said Laura, “Junior here tires me out quickly.” LK was expecting.
“Oh. So who can we ask?” questioned KdP.
JFP walked up, “I’d love to go.”
THE GIRLS frowned.
“Sure, Jill,” said Kassie.
“Can I bring Kale?” asked JFP.
“Ah, Jill,” said KdP, “It’s a girl’s night out kinda thing. I’m leaving Jimmy at home.”
“Oh. O.k.,” said JFP. She walked off as she dragged on a ciggie.
“Chris can’t make it anyway,” said FL.
“Neither can Charles,” said GT.
“Dim, you got a boyfriend?” asked KdP.
“Ah…well…” stammered Dim, “ah…no…”
“But she likes someone…” prodded FL.
“Who?” asked KdP.
Dim turned red. All eyes were on her.
“I know…” said GT, “Dim and Jason have been pretty buddy-buddy since going on the Howard Stern show.”
“Yeah…Dim…I’ve caught you staring at Jason in the make-up room…” teased Flo.
“Well,” stammered Dim, “Ah…Jason’s…cute…”

Meanwhile, in another corner of the room…
RH, TDS, DJ, DF, and JSS were talking.
“Hey, Flo, Gina, Kassie, Laura, and Dim are looking at us…” said DJ.
“No way!” said JSS.
All the guys looked at all the girls.
“Flo can’t resist me,” remarked DJ.
RH gave him a pair of bug eyes.
“Just kidding…” muttered DJ.
“Hey Jason - I’ve caught you looking at Dim in the make-up room,” teased DF.
“Well,” stammered JSS, “Ah…Dim’s…cute…”
“You’ve been hanging out with Dim a lot since doing the Howard Stern show with her…” said DJ.
“We’re just friends,” said JSS.
“Which reminds me,” said RH turning to DJ, “I hear you’ve been pushing for a Téa-Joey romance…”
]“Well, Flo is one of the hottest chicks on the show,” said DJ boldly, “Besides - Joey can give Téa what Todd never could…”
RH frowned, “Just remember - Flo’s got a boyfriend.”

Jill stood up on a table, “O.k. everyone - it’s time to open gifts.” Everyone crowded around the table where all the gifts where at.
“Can I open my gift first?” begged Tim Gibbs.
“Sure, Tim,” said JFP. She lit another ciggie and handed Tim his gift. Tim opened his gift. It was a picture of JFP in a brand new picture frame, “Thanks, Jill.”
JFP got off the table and Sonia Satra got up on the table dressed as Montana BooBee.
“Guys, I’ve got sad news,” said SS.
“What?” asked DJ.
“I filmed my last scenes today. I won’t be around with Montana BooBee to kill anymore OLTL rumors,” said SS.
“Awww,” said the cast.
“I’m going to miss Montana BooBee,” said ET, “Who’s going to take your place and kill all the rumors?”
“I volunteer,” said EP getting up on the table next to Sonia. EP gave SS a brief hug. EP was dressed in her voodoo get up with a charm bag hanging off her belt, “Just call me Poisonwood Rosie.”
“Oh Lord,” said WK, “Not another psycho in the house! Just stay away from Andrew.”
SS gave ES her gift and got down off the table. EP got off the table too, “Hope you like it,” said SS smiling.
ES tore off the wrapping paper and opened the gift, “Oh, how cute. A teddy bear dressed as Montana BooBee.”
“Something to remember me by,” said SS.
ES picked up her gift, “Ah - o.k. Is Mark Derwin here?”
“Here I am,” said MD walking through the crowd.
ES handed MD his gift. They gave each other the once over.
“Thanks,” said MD. He opened his gift. It was a One Life To Live coffee mug.
“Mallet!” said SS.
“Lucy!” said MD.
They gave each other a quick hug.
“We were in-laws on Guiding Light,” said SS smiling.
“Another damn FOJ to hog airtime,” said PC to CR.
“That’s why I’m leaving…” said CR. They took a sip of Asa’s nip.
CH opened her gift, “Oh look. Pink towels with the One Life To Live logo on them,” she smiled.
ET opened her gift. It was a stuffed parrot.
“I heard you liked birds,” said DF, “Hope you like it.”
“Thanks,” said ET.
Rog opened his gift. It was a leather wallet, “Thanks Flo.”
“Your welcome,” said FL. She opened her gift. It was a pair of leather gloves, “Thanks, Don.”
“Your welcome,” said DJ, “But you know how close I came to get you that blow up doll…”
RH raised ANOTHER eyebrow.
Gina opened her gift. It was a scarf, “Thanks Bob.”
RSW smiled, “Your welcome.” He opened his gift, “A PINK SLIP?”
CR and PC laughed their asses off, “We’re just kidding. Thought we’d pull a joke on the set’s jokester.”
CR handed RSW his real gift. It was a brand new fishing pole.
PE opened her gift. It was a cookbook, “Thanks Patty.”
PM smiled, “Your welcome.”
“Hey! Dim didn’t get a gift yet…” said GT, “Who got Dim?”
JSS cleared his throat, “I did.”
“Oh,” said Dim.
JSS and Dim stared at each other. Slowly, JSS handed Dim her gift. Dim slowly took it from him and opened it. It was a necklace with a small heart on it.
“Thanks,” said Dim, “It’s really pretty.”
“Your welcome,” said JSS.
“I think she likes you dude,” whispered DJ into JSS’s ear. RH and FL were sharing a drink by the spiked punch bowl.
“Like my new haircut Flo?” asked RH.
“You look different - it looks good on you,” said FL.
“Cari’s not used to it yet,” said RH.
“Thanks for the postcards Rog. They make my week,” said FL.
“No problem. So, got scoop?” asked RH.
“Téa melts when she gets Todd’s gift,” said FL.
“Well, Todd will be back someday,” said RH.
TDS walked over to RH, “Look who’s under the mistletoe…”
TDS, RH, and FL looked at the mistletoe. Dim was underneath it.
TDS whispered in RH’s ear.
“That’s evil,” said FL.
RH and TDS grinned. They walked over to JSS, who was gabbing with the guys, DJ and DF, picked him up and escorted him to the mistletoe. JSS and Dim stood under the mistletoe looking at each other dumbfounded. Both turned red as lobsters.
“Kiss her you fool!” encouraged TDS.
“Yeah! Kiss her! Kiss her!” egged on the guys, DJ, DF, PC, RSW, and CR.
“Yeah! Kiss him! Kiss him!” egged on the girls, FL, KdP, GT, LK, ET, and HBS.
JSS and Dim shared a shy kiss which didn’t last long ‘cos…
“Oh Dim!” exclaimed JFP breaking up the moment, “Thanks for the ciggies”
Dim died of embarrassment.

NEXT:
1. OK - now - KdP, GT, FL, Dim, and JFP go to see RS’s play.
2. Does Botrina have competition for RJ from Blair?
3. Poisonwood Rosie does the Jay Leno show.
4. Flo got scoop.