OLTL SATIRE-PART THIRTY

. An OLTL Satire - Part 30 - "Dr. Wolek? YOU'RE an OB/GYN Doctor?!"

This is a work of fiction. It is meant to be satirical in nature.

WHAT HAPPENS:

1. Botrina gets bad news.

2. Jen Bransford visits the OLTL studios.

3. JFP attempts to quell the rumors and asks Montana BooBee for help.

4. AS stops in for a visit.

5. Flo got scoop.

JFP was in her office trying to figure out where to hang her KB picture she just polished when Montana BooBee came busting through the door holding her water pistol and a Spam Bomb.

"You rang?" asked BooBee.v "Yeah. Nobody likes me. Nobody believes me. People still say it's MY fault for Spammy's summer of hell. So I need you do rumor control for me," said JFP hanging up her picture and dragging on a ciggie.

"Fill me in Jill," said BooBee.

"We are NOT temp. recasting Botrina. We're working with Dim's scheduling conflicts and re-shooting scenes around the problem," explained JFP.

"O.k., I'll go kill the rumors," said BooBee.

Just then JFP's door opened and Jen Bransford walked in, "I hear you've got a deal for me, Jill?" said JB.

BooBee eye'd Jen.

"Hey. Georgie's dead and there's only one psycho in Llanview - now. Me.

What gives Jill?" asked BooBee.

"Chill out Montana. We're thinking of bringing on Georgie's twin sister…" said JFP.

JB smiled her evil Georgie girl smile.

"Jill, if you double cross me, you'll be sorry," said BooBee. She left her Spam Bomb on JFP's desk and left.

"What's with this can of Spam?" asked JB picking it up and playing with it. "It's a long story Jen," said JFP.

Jen Bransford opened up the can of Spam and it exploded all over her. She was pissed.

Dim, dressed in a hospital gown, was on the hospital set. TDS walked up. "Ready, Dim?" asked TDS.

"I'm nervous Tim," said Dim, "This is suppose to be an intense scene."

"You'll do fine," said TDS

The director called for places and Dim got up on the hospital bed. TDS stood next to her. Michael Storm walked in.

"Doctor Wolek! I didn't know you were an OB/GYN doctor," said Dim.

"Neither did I until now," said MS, "But Jill owes me another five days of airtime before the end of the year."

The director yelled 'Action!' and the scene began.

Botrina lay on the hospital bed. RJ held her hand.

Dr. Wolek held up a bottle filled with gel, "Well, Botrina, ready for your sonogram?"

"O.k.," said Botrina, "I'm wicked nervous though."

"Me too," said RJ.

Dr. Wolek put the gel on Botrina and got the sonogram going. It was quiet. Real quiet.

"Ah, Doc," said RJ, "Is something wrong?"

Dr. Wolek bit his lip, "I don't know how to tell you this."

Botrina bugged out, "Well, just tell us, o.k?"

Dr. Wolek became very serious, "Your pregnancy - it's ectoptic."

"Oh God no…" muttered Botrina. Her face fell.

"Ectoptic? What's that?" asked RJ, his voice cracking.

"RJ it means the baby isn't growing where it's supposed to. It's growing in one of Botrina's fallopian tubes. If we allow the pregnancy to continue, Botrina could die," explained Dr. Wolek.

RJ looked at Botrina. There were tears running down her face. "What went wrong?" muttered RJ.

"Nothing," said Dr. Wolek, "Sometimes these things just happen. Look, Botrina, I recommend termination immediately. Soon, you'll be experiencing the pain the growing baby brings…"

"Yeah…" muttered Botrina.

"I'll leave you two alone," said Dr. Wolek leaving.

"Trina, you can't have the baby?" asked RJ.

Botrina took a breath and softly replied, "No."

RJ's eyes welled up with tears.

The scene ended.

Flo and Dim walked into the make-up room. The usual suspects - DJ, ET, EP, DF, RS, GT, and JSS were all ready there.

"What's up?" asked Dim.

"They put out a casting call for a new character - Ben Davidson," said DJ grinning.

"Great! They can't even use all the characters in the cast they have now!" said RS.

"I think the dude might be Viki's new love interest," said ET.

"As long as he's not my new love interest," said FL.

"Flo, have you heard the rumors?" asked EP grinning.

"What rumors, Erika?" asked Flo.

"Roseanne might be getting a mom…" said DF.

"Who?" asked FL.

"You!" said DJ laughing.

"ME?" exclaimed FL, "That's crazy!"

"That's what I said," replied EP.

Just then SS walked in.

"I was killing a rumor for Jill," said Montana BooBee.

"I've got another one I need you to kill," said FL.

"You know Flo," started DJ, "Joey once had an affair with an older woman…" RS giggled.

"Téa is not that old!" exclaimed FL.

"Flo, I don't have [no-sex] clause in my contract…" hinted DJ.

"Neither do I…" said JSS.

"I don't either…" said DF.

"Guys, it's really sweet of you to offer your services…but there's only man I want and if I can't have him - I want NOBODY!" said Flo.

"You do nothing for my fragile male ego, Flo," said DJ.

"Well, stop hitting on me…" said FL laughing.

Dim and RS walked into JFP's office carrying the mail. AS was all ready there. JFP was tinkering with her intercom.

"Dim," said AS, "Jill assures me there will be no temp recast of Botrina and she's killed the rumors."

"Thank you Ms. Shapiro," said Dim.

JFP looked up from the intercom, "Give it to me straight girls."

"Jill, my play starts soon…like in two days so you're going to have to find someone else to help Dim with the mail," said RS.

JFP frowned, "O.k., the ratings?"

"3.5," said Dim, "They must have went up when the viewers found out Spammy got canned."

"Any thumbs up?" asked JFP.

"Well, we got a thumbs down for Todd's coffin, Joey and BooBee's [insta-romance] and Clint's leaving…"

AS nodded her head and took notes.

"Tim Stickney got performer of the week for his scenes with Botrina," added RS.

"What? When did that happen? I thought he was on the backburner?" said JFP putting the intercom back together.

"While you were sleeping," said Dim.

"What do the letters say?" asked AS.

"Viewers are expressing optimism now that Spammy the Hack is gone but they are worried that RH won't be back and they want Téa with NOBODY if she can't have Todd," said RS.

"Viewers could tell the last few scripts RH, FL, KB, and ES got were massaged however most were upset that Téa, Viki, and Sam don't know the DID is real," added Dim.

AS took a note and looked at JFP. JFP dug around for piece of paper, found a snickers bar wrapper and began taking notes.

"Of course we have the usual requests," said RS, "Bo and Nora fans are dissatisfied with the Who's-baby-is-it? thing and want the horror over now - Cord and Tina fans are dissatisfied because Cord and Tina aren't back yet - Téa fans want her with NO ONE until Todd returns - RJ fans want him off the backburner - someone is pretending to be "Dim" on the ABC message boards - and Viki…"

Just then Erika Slezak walked in, "What's this I hear about Viki getting a love interest?"

JFP pressed a button on her intercom and [Twilight Zone] music played. AS turned around and looked at JFP.

"What love interest?" asked JFP dragging hard on her ciggie.

ES put her hands on her hips, "I want an answer now."

Jill stammered, "It's supposed to be a secret…!"

ES lightened up, "O.k. surprise me."

"Daring, aren't you?" asked RS talking to ES.

"Now Jill," said AS firmly, "What have you done to improve the show since the Spam, I mean, Pam left?"

"Well, I'm working on getting Viki a love interest…" said Jill looking at ES. ES smiled.

"…And we're cleaning up all of Spammy's pregnancy stories…"

"Just follow the plan Jill," said AS, "And will you kill that damn music coming from your intercom?"

Jill shut the intercom off.

Flo, Dim, TDS, and EP were hanging in Flo and Dim's dressing room going over scripts.

"I feel like I'm going through the motions…" said FL.

"Me too. It's like the fun is all gone…" said Dim.

"By the way Dim, when's your first final?" asked TDS.

"Tomorrow. It's Criminal Law. 40 questions - multiple choice," said Dim.

"Cool," said TDS.

"Flo, got scoop?" asked Dim.

"Tell 'em - Mom," said EP teasing FL.

FL frowned at EP.

"Is it true Flo? Téa's a mom?" asked TDS.

"Well, I don't know that for sure. Maybe I should go talk to Ange about this Mom thing…" said FL.

There was a knock on the door. Flo answered the door. A mail dude left a postcard with her.

"Who sent the postcard?" asked EP.

"Rog. He writes…Flo, I'm back in NYC - the family and me are going upstate to cut down a real Christmas tree. I got you a Christmas gift and no, it's not a candle. No fire for you Flo. Heard a rumor they want to make Junior your kid. I feel for you. Keep your chin up and your shoulders back. Rog. P.S. I miss you too, Flo," read FL.

"How sweet," said TDS, "I got you a gift Dim."

"I got you a gift too Tim," said Dim.

Everyone was sad.

"I miss Rog," said FL.

NEXT:

1. Botrina breaks the news to Bo and Asa.

2. Kevin's back from Kosovo.

3. Problems with the ABC message boards

4. Flo got scoop.