OLTL SATIRE-PART TWENTY NINE

An OLTL Satire - Part 29 - "I made Montana BooBee Spam bombs."

This is a work of fiction. It is meant to be satirical in nature.

WHAT HAPPENS:

1. Botrina gets her wish!

2. Find out what happens to the 1,556 cans of Spam!

3. Dim does press in SOD

4. Montana BooBee is back!

5. Flo got scoop.

It was early in the morning. Dim knocked on JFP's door.

"C'Mon in," said JFP.

Dim walked in, "Jill, I gotta exercise an option in my contract."

Jill was polishing a picture of Tim Gibbs, "You know Tim just resigned for 6 months?"

"Yeah…ah…Jill…you heard me right?" asked Dim.

"What's up Dim?" asked JFP. She took a sip of Asa's nip.

"Ah, Jill, you know I go to law school part time, right…" started Dim.

"Right," said JFP.

"Well, I need four days off for finals," said Dim.

"Oh. You know we got some critical Botrina and RJ scenes coming up…" said JFP.

"Right. It's an ectoptic pregnancy," said Dim, "Really dramatic stuff."

"We might have to go with a temporary recast," said JFP.

"I'd really like to work it out so I can play those scenes," said Dim.

"Well, o.k., but it's been a while since you did some press. I need you to do some press. An SOD guy will be here at lunch…" started JFP.

"So, you're telling me do this interview, and no temp recast?" asked Dim.

"Yep," said JFP lighting a ciggie.

"You're evil Jill," said Dim.

"I have my moments," said Jill, "Have you read my interview in SOD yet?"

Dim walked onto the Buchanan Enterprises set, dressed in a Botrina Tran Power Suit. GT, TDS, and PC were all ready there. The director yelled 'Action!' and the scene began.

Botrina hung up the phone and smiled, "I just made the company three million dollars!"

RJ walked in smiling, "Great news, Trina!"

Botrina stood up and walked up to RJ giving him a kiss.

"Wow - that's a really short skirt you're wearing," said RJ leering.

"Well, soon, I won't be able to wear stuff like this. So what's your good news?" asked Botrina.

"Kevin went to Kosovo for two weeks to cover a story," said RJ.

"Yes!" exclaimed Botrina, "I got my wish!" She jumped out of RJ's arms and proceeded to do the [Happy Dance] around the office. Kelly and Asa walked in.

"What is she doing?" asked Asa smoking a stogie.

"Looks like the [Happy Dance,"] replied Kelly.

"Hi G.D. Hi Kelly!" said Botrina jumping on the office couch and whirling around.

"Isn't she cute?" asked RJ.

Asa got in RJ's face, "What prey tell did you tell her? You two getting married?"

RJ snickered, "No."

"G.D.," said Botrina prancing over to RJ, "Today is wonderful! We made three million today and my secret wish came true!"

Asa produced his bourbon and poured himself a shot.

"O.k., G.D., what's your secret wish if it ain't for Gannon to marry you?" demanded Asa.

"Kevin went to Kosovo!" chanted Botrina in her happiness.

Asa threw back the shot of nip.

"Not to put a damper on your obvious enthustic mood, but pure happiness never lasts that long," said Kelly.

Botrina, RJ, and Asa looked at Kelly.

"Party Pooper," said Botrina.

The scene ended.

Dim and Gina walked into the press room. SOD was doing an article about Botrina and Kelly's friendship to be titled, GIRL TALK.

"Hi. I'm G.Sup," said the interviewer.

"Dim."

"Gina"

They sat down and interview began, "This summer was hell on storylines but one thing that came out of this summer was the Botrina/Kelly friendship. On a show that used to pride itself on it's female relationships, how did this one come about?" asked the interviewer.

"Necessity," said Dim.

"Yeah - Kelly needed a job and Botrina gave her one," said Gina.

"O.k., now on to the really tough questions - do you like to wear those really short Ally McBeal power skirts?" asked the interviewer.

"Well, I like to wear the latest fashions," said GT.

"I don't mind since I have the legs for them. Now, how about an intelligent question?" asked Dim.

"Is Roger Howarth coming back?" asked the interviewer.

Gina and Dim stared at each other.

"I thought this was suppose to be about Botrina and Kelly's friendship?" asked Dim disgusted.

"Who's the cutiest guy on the show?" asked the interviewer.

"John Bolger is cute," said GT.

"My co-star," said Dim, "That's it. I knew there was a reason I didn't do press. Either you start asking some Botrina and Kelly questions or I'm outta here!"

Flo, Dim, and Robin were chowing on salads for lunch in Dim and Flo's dressing room. Robin had the laptop hooked into the phone line and they were reading the OLTL message boards.

"Flo, here's one about your big ears," said Robin giggling.

Flo choked on a piece of lettuce while she laughed, "Next thing you know I' ll be accused of driving Rog to the brink of insanity…"

They all giggled.

"Oh my…Gosh!" muttered Dim as Robin went into a new post.

"What?" asked Flo.

Dim read, "Posted by Setside Source. Due to personal reasons, Miss Witt, who plays Botrina Tran Buchanan will miss four days of work. OLTL brass is rumored to be looking for an actress to take over the role temporarily since upcoming scenes are pivotal to the Botrina/RJ story. Possible recasts include Jennifer Bransford, Rebecca Buddig, and Skyler Grant. OLTL has been looking into getting Bransford back and this seems like the best occasion to do so."

Dim, Robin, and Flo gagged.

"I'll kill Jill," muttered Dim.

"What are you going to do?" asked Robin.

"It's time to go the make-up room and talk to Montana BooBee…" said Dim walking out. FL and RS followed.

Dim stormed into the make-up room. The gossip crew, ET, EP, DJ, GT, SS, DF, and JSS were all ready there.

"Hey Dim," said DJ, "I heard Jen Bransford might be back."

"She can't have my part!" said Dim, "Sonia, I need Montana BooBee. I need to nip this rumor in the bud."

"Cool," said SS, "I can try out my new little toys."

"What toys?" asked JSS.

"Well, I acquired about fifty of those cans of Spam and made Montana BooBee Spam Bombs out of them…" explained SS.

"You made Spam Bombs?" exclaimed ET.

"How do they work?" asked DF.

"As soon as you pop open the lid, SPAM explodes all over you. It's cool…" said SS.

"I want five," said Dim.

"Flo, how's tricks?" asked DJ getting up out of his chair and walking over to Flo.

"BooBee's leaving. I need a love interest on the show," said Don laughing.

Flo giggled, "No, Don. You know where I stand."

DJ fell to his knees and clutched her legs, "I'm cute! I can grow facial hair! Just think - we could be HOT! Joey and Téa! Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

"Ah," said ET, "It has no ring to it."

"Well, Joey and Téa beat Kevin and Téa," said GT.

"Don, get up. How many times do I have to say it? It's Rog or it's NOBODY!" said Flo giggling.

"You know I'm just teasing you, right Flo?" asked DJ.

"Yes, Don," said Flo.

"Hey Sonia, whatever happened to the other 1,506 cans of Spam?" asked DF. SS turned to EP, "Tell em."

All eyes turned to EP.

"All right, all right," said EP, "You know Pam's new office? Somehow the cans of Spam got in there. Now Pam can't get in to do her consulting…She's like jobless…"

"How sad," said RS.

RS and Dim waltzed into JFP's office with the mail.

"Jill, I've got a bone to pick with you," said Dim.

"Oh?" asked JFP taking a sip of Asa's nip and polishing KB's picture.

"What's this shit about Jen Bransford taking over my role? I'm the one and only Botrina!" said Dim, "I thought we had a deal?"

"We do. You did press, we work around your schedule…" said JFP.

Just then AS stormed in, "What's this shit about a temp recast concerning Botrina with Jen Bransford?"

"First I heard about it," said JFP sucking up.

"You kill this rumor Jill - now!" said AS.

JFP emphatically nodded her head.

Flo and Dim were in their dressing room at the end of the day. TDS was there too. They were drinking H20 and going over scripts.

"I heard Don threw himself at your feet today," said TDS laughing at Flo.

"Yeah. It was funny. I got guys throwing themselves at my feet now that Rog is gone," laughed Flo.

"Got scoop?" asked Dim.

"Téa gets all the money," said Flo.

"If Todd comes back, will Téa take him back?" asked TDS.

"That's a toughie Tim," said FL, "I think she will but Todd has got to have therapy and do a lot of GROVELING first…"

There was a knock on the door.

"C'Mon in," said Dim.

"Ah, Miss Lozano, postcard for you," said the messager handing her a postcard.

"Thanks," said Flo. The messenger left.

"Who is it from?" asked TDS.

Flo read, "Hey Flo - I'm here in sunny Florida with the family soaking up the rays. I hear you've got big ears. So do I, don't worry about it, and Don Jeffcoat is threatening to grow facial hair in an attempt to become your next leading man. LMAO at all the shangins going on up there! Tell Dim hi. I miss you too Flo. Rog." Flo sniffled.

"That was sweet of Rog," said TDS.

"I miss Rog," said Flo.

NEXT:

1. Botrina gets bad news.

2. Jen Bransford visits the OLTL studios.

3. JFP attempts to quell the rumors and asks Montana BooBee for help.

4. AS stops in for a visit.

5. Flo got scoop.