OLTL SATIRE-PART TWELVE

An OLTL Satire – Part 12 – “Jill, what’s in those ciggies you smoke?”
This is a work of fiction. It is meant to be satirical in nature.

WHAT HAPPENS:
1. Dim and SB do a fan club lunch
2. Kevin hires Nora as his lawyer
3. Botrina hires Kelly (Kelly REALLY wants a job)
4. Flo got scoop

Flo and Dim were in their dressing room chugging H20. Sonia Satra stuck her head in with an ear “glued” to her cell phone.
“Dim, what’s up with this rumor I just heard on my cell phone?” asked SS.
Flo and Dim looked up at SS.
“What rumor?” asked Dim.
“JFP fired you and Aaron Spelling has all ready signed you to 90210,” said SS.
Flo turned to Dim. Dim turned to Flo. Their eyes bugged out.
Dim bolted out of her seat, “I need to talk to JFP now!”
Dim went flying down the hall. Ss followed, ear still to her cell phone, “Dim, do you mind if I follow? So I can get the word out when you talk to JFP?”
“All right,” said Dim.
Dim went busting into JFP’s office. JFP was mucking around with her intercom and smoking a ciggie.
“What’s up Dim?” asked JFP looking up.
“I heard a rumor that you gave me the axe,” said Dim. SS stood behind Dim listening intently.
“I heard a rumor you went to work for Aaron Spelling,” said JFP.
“Well, I didn’t,” said Dim, “He made me an offer but I turned him down.”
“Well, I didn’t fire you. I’d be insane to fire OLTL’s best newcomer,” said JFP, “Now got back to work. Shoo.”
Sonia dialed some numbers on her cell phone, “I’m getting the word out for you Dim.”
“Thanks, Sonia,” said Dim smiling. Dim smiled at JFP too who smiled back.
The director yelled action. Dim, as Botrina, was working behind her desk at the executive suite at Buchanan Enterprises. Kelly Cramer walked in.
Botrina stood up.
“Well, Botrina? Do I get the job or not?” asked Kelly.
“Do you have a clue?” asked Botrina.
“Duh. I’m all over it,” said Kelly.
“All right – you’re hired. We’ve got a luncheon with the president of Houston oil rigs. Find out the dude’s name and what he likes and dislikes. Meet me here at 11:30 and we’ll go to the palace together,” said Botrina.
Kelly smiled, gave Botrina a thumbs up and walked out. As she walked out, Téa walked in.
Botrina smiled, “Did you serve Kevin with the papers?”
Téa smiled, “Sure did. Paid off all of Kevin’s snitches too. If you don’t mind, I’m referring them to the Sun.”
“I could care less,” said Botrina.
Just then Nora and Kevin busted into Botrina’s office. Botrina crossed her arms. Nora walked up to Botrina’s desk and threw some papers on it.
“Kevin’s hired me to defend him in your pathetic libel suit,” said Nora.
Kevin smiled smugly at Botrina.
“His loss,” said Botrina.
“You are a BLEEP – BLEEP – CENSORED – CENSORED – a liar – a cheat – and low down slugcrawler. We’re counter-suing,” said Nora.
“On what grounds?” asked Téa.
“Vandalism. Botrina TP’d the millhouse,” said Nora.
“I’m willing to settle out of court,” said Botrina smiling evilly.
“I’ll kick your @$$ in court,” said Nora.
“Are we going to have ANOTHER cat fight?” asked Botrina.
“Just name the time and the place,” said Nora.
Botrina gave Nora her appointment book, “Pencil it in.”
Nora wrote in the book and gave it back to Botrina.
“I’ll see you in hell,” said Nora walking out. Kevin followed with his slimly grin on his face.
“What now?” asked Téa.
Botrina raised an eyebrow at Téa and looked at her watch, “I have a therapy appointment.”
“You too, huh?” asked Téa.
Dim and Kassie dePaiva were walking down the hall to JFP’s office with the mail.
“Kassie you are so lucky. JFP stuck me on another week of mail duty,” said Dim.
“Who is taking my place?” asked Kassie.
“Laura,” said Dim.
Dim and Kassie walked into JFP’s office. She was still mucking with the intercom.
“Dim, how did that fan club lunch go? Did Sam have a good time?” asked JFP.
She put the intercom together.
“Ah, I guess he had a good time,” muttered Dim. JFP seemed in a good mood.
“Anyone ask him for his autograph?” asked JFP. She pressed a button. The Price is Right music played.
“Damn intercom!” yelled JFP.
“Ah, 2 or 3 people might have,” said Dim making a face.
“Well, I got an email from Island Girl saying she had a good time. Your fans seem nice so if you want to invite Island Girl and them to the studio for a tour you can. I assume Island Girl is your president?” asked JFP.
Dim looked at Kassie and her mouth dropped, in shock, “Ah, I gotta ask her.”
“O.k.,” said JFP dragging on a ciggie.
“Jill, you’re being TOO nice. What’s in that ciggie you’re smoking?” asked Dim.
“I dunno. Bob Woods got ‘em for me. Now, what’s new with the mail?” asked JFP.
“Well, fans were upset with the Jessica recast…” started Kassie.
“But that was only for a day or two…” said JFP.
“And fans want Roseanne to stop making goo goo eyes at Todd…” said Dim.
JFP hit her intercom. The Price is Right music came on, “PAM! GET IN HERE!”
“…And there’s another campaign going on. Fans want RJ to get a story…” said Kassie.
Pam walked in, “What is it Your Highness?”
“What’s up with Roseanne making goo goo eyes at Todd?” asked JFP.
“You said…” started PL.
“Nah. Roseanne’s too hot for Todd. I want her making goo goo eyes…at Mel…” said JFP.
“Mel?” asked PL aghast.
“What’s Carlotta doing?” asked JFP.
“Thieving Oxygen,” said PL.
“Whose Carlotta?” whispered Dim to Kassie.
“Look. Hook her up with RJ. That’ll give ‘em both story…” said JFP dragging on her ciggie again.
“What are you smoking Jill?” asked PL.
Dim and Kassie giggled.
Dim was chugging H20 in her dressing room when Flo walked in. Flo threw her script on her dressing room table.
“Got scoop?” asked Dim.
“I never seem to get surprised,” said Flo smiling, “They’ve got Téa tucking Todd into bed…”
“Are you sure it’s not Tom?” asked Dim.
“Well, I guess…it might be…Ted…” said Flo giggling.
“There’s a Ted?” asked Dim.
“Nah – I’m just being silly,” said Flo.
“Say, how did that Matchbox 20 concert go?” asked Dim.
“Roseanne ruined it with her voodoo doll,” said Flo
. “How’d she do that?” asked Dim.
“Got a year?” asked Flo.

NEXT:
1. Botrina and Kelly do lunch
2. Nora and Kevin do lunch too
3. Botrina and Cassie do the mail
4. Dim finds out from Bob that JFP’s ciggies are spiked.
5. Flo got scoop.