OLTL SATIRE-PART ONE

An OLTL Satire – Part I – "I recognize Miss Witt from Another World."
This is a work of fiction. It is meant to be satirical in nature.
DimWitt was curious. Dim wanted to know what was going to happen to one of "One Life To Live's" more popular couples, Todd and Téa. Dim had the summer off before law school started in the fall and since Dim had gotten out of the army, Dim got bored easily. Dim packed a kelvar helmet, flak vest, surveillance equipment and other miscellaneous military equipment and set out for New York City. Dim's goals were simple: To meet the Head IIC (JFP) and get the 'goods' on TnT – for Jackie, Violet, and all the TnT faithful on the MD board.
Dim arrived in NYC with no fanfare. Dim got an hotel room and went on line getting as much info on the ABC studios as possible. She found out OLTL had put out a casting call for a new character and filed the information away.
Then Dim took the subway to the studio building itself, noting the windows, doors, all possible methods of entry. Dim's plan was simple. Dim was going to sneak in and "bug" the Head IIC's office. Just as Dim was finishing up and standing outside the studio building there was a tap on Dim's shoulder.
"Don't I know you?" came a voice. An older looking woman with black hair was looking at Dim.
Dim looked stupid.
"Weren't you on Another World?" said the woman addressing Dim.
"Uh, no…" muttered Dim.
"….Sure you were. You were one of those Marleys. Look, I've got a job for you." finished the voice. Dim didn't even look like Jensen Buchanan. Or whoever was playing 'Marley' these days.
"No, it couldn't be…" muttered Dim.
"I'm JFP and I work for OLTL. We're casting a new character you'd be perfect for…"
Dim couldn't believe what she'd heard. What luck! The Head IIC had taken Dim for a "down-on-her-luck-Another-World-actress-looking-for-a-job". JFP put her arm around Dim and walked her into the OLTL casting studios and Dim met the casting director.
"What's your name again?" asked JFP.
"Dim. Dim Witt," Dim replied.
"No, really?"
"Dim Witt," Dim replied again. JFP just smiled.
JFP addressed the casting director, "This is our new character. I recognize Miss Witt from Another World. Dim is perfect for the role of Bo's Vietnamese love-child daughter."
The casting director was aghast and gagged, "I don't even know if Miss Witt can act."
"Who cares?" said JFP, "Give her a script and stick her in with Flo. Isn't there room in Flo's dressing room now that Sandy's left? And Dim – once you get settled in, come and see me to sign your 3 year contract." JFP walked out.
Dim and the casting director stared at each other.
"I did a play in the Army once," muttered Dim.
"Oh?" said the casting director, "Which one? MacBeth? Hamlet?"
"A Little Murder Never Hurt Anyone," replied Dim.
"Never heard of it," replied the casting director, "I don't get paid enough."
Dim gave serious thought to coming clean. Dim wasn't an actor. Dim wanted to go to law school. And then…Dim laughed. If the Head IIC thought Dim was a "down-on-her-luck-Another-World-actress-looking-for-a-job." why not play it up and get the last laugh on JFP. Dim walked into her new dressing room.
Flo was all ready there.
"So, you're the new Another World actress," said Flo holding a script in her hand.
"Ah, no. The only other world I've been to is Germany. Jill think I'm another one of those a"down-on-her-luck-Another-World-actress-looking-for-a-job." but I'm not,"
explained Dim
. Flo smiled, "You've got potential then…"
"What gives you that impression?" asked Dim.
"You've pulled a fast one on JFP, haven't you? She goes for that Another World thing," started Flo.
"But I can't act at all. I'm a fraud. I'm a fake…" muttered Dim
. "This could get good," said Flo, "What's your plan?"
"Plan? Not this. I was going to bug JFP's office and get the scoop on Todd and Téa…" muttered Dim.
"Don't worry about the scoop. I'll give you the scoop. I've got a front row seat to the scam of the century," said Flo, "Can I tell Rog and Kassie?"
Dim laughed, "Sure, why not." But Dim was feeling guilty by now. Dim went to sign the contract.
Dim walked into the Head IIC's office. Jill smiled.
"Dim, it's a standard 3 year contract but if you stink, you're outta here in 13 weeks," said Jill.
"13 weeks?" exclaimed Dim, "I need something shorter. Like 6 weeks."
"O.k., 6 weeks it is," JFP made some pen and ink changes in the contract and Dim looked it over before signing it. A new person walked in.
"Dim, this is Pam. She writes. She's going to tell you about your character," said JFP.
PL read off a paper, "Botrina Tran is Bo's love child from Vietnam…"
"Vietnam?", muttered Dim, "But…I'm not an Asian Actress…I'm Caucasian…"
"Don't worry. Kassie's not Asian either…" muttered JFP
. "Huh?" muttered Dim.
"Jill, we might have a problem here," said PL
. "No, we don't. No one is going to notice…" said JFP.
Dim looked at PL. PL looked at Dim. They rolled their eyes and Dim began taping that day.
That night, in Dim's hotel room, Dim got on line and told Jackie, Violet, and the TnT faithful on the MD board of this unexpected turn of events – how the Head IIC (JFP) mistook her for an actress from Another World looking for a job and hired her to play "Botrina" Tran, Bo's Vietnam love child. Dim asked them if she should come clean or if Dim should continue to pull the wool over JFP's eyes. Since it would take a while for a response, Dim went to bed.

TO BE CONTINUED