ALWAYS AND FOREVER - PART ONE

DISCLAIMER: Insert standard disclaimer here. No, seriously, the characters of Todd, Tea and Starr Manning, Blair Cramer, Antonio, Carlotta, and Cristian Vega, Rachel Gannon, Viki and Jessica Buchanan, and Roseanne What's-her-name are the sole property of their creators, the ABC Network and their respective protrayers. This story is merely for enjoyment (I hope!) and I will make no profit whatsoever from it. The songs "Sitting On Top Of The World", "Pray For Me", "Beloved Wife" and "Sand and Water" belong to their respective singers, Amanda Marshall (one of my personal favourites, right beside Chantal Kreviazuk), Michael W. Smith, Natalie Merchant, and Beth Nielson Chapman. Oh, and the doorman, Eddie, Dr. Lancaster, and the nurse with the dreadlocks are characters whom I did create and if anyone feels the need to borrow them (although I wouldn't know why!) you may do so with my permission. Distribute as you like, just keep my name attached.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I am by NO means a scientific person (well, besides what I learned in Grade 11 Advanced Biology), so the doctor jargon spoken in the story is pure fiction. Sorry if I offended anyone, especially doctors whom I know will find fault with pretty much every hospital scene. :-)

THANKS: Thanks are due to....Microsoft Encarta, for research material (), and to the singers mentioned in the disclaimer, for inspiration and for writing songs that touched me deeply and voiced my own feelings and personal experiences.

DEDICATION: This one's for Meredith, whoever you are, for the encouragement to go on and finish this, and for Laura, the best editor and friend a girl could ask for.

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Part 1: Lament

The wheels of the bike skidded to a stop with a slight squeal in front of the building and Tea hopped off, steering it toward the front door as she unclipped her helmet, breathing heavily, unused to the added weight she now carried.
The guard at the door smiled a cheerful hello. "Good morning, Mrs. Manning. How are you today?"
"How many times do I have to tell you, Eddie?" she smiled, "It's Tea. And I'm fine, thanks. Feeling fatter every day. How about you?" She said, wiping her brow with her forearm.
Eddie patted his protruding stomach. "You bet." He laughed heartily, holding open the doors until she and her bike were through.
Stepping into the elevator, Tea pressed the button for the top floor and placed a hand over her stomach, laughing softly when the baby kicked joyfully.
With a "ding", the doors of the elevator opened and she wheeled the bike into the hallway, directing it toward her apartment door. Tea was about to stick her key in the lock when she noticed the door was open a crack. Leaning her bike against the wall by the door, she took a cautious step forward.
"Todd?" she ventured quietly.
No response.
Sticking her foot between the door and the frame, she inched it open, saying, louder this time, "Todd, are you here?"
"Yeah."
His voice sounded strained and broken. Tea pushed the door open all the way, placing a hand over her mouth in dismay when she saw the state of the penthouse.
The cushions on the couch were all ripped off and scattered on the floor amongst a vast array of papers, pens and paper clips. The drawers that had contained them lay splintered against the wall by the kitchen door. The end tables were on their sides, the lamps smashed irreparably on the floor. The plants that were once on the window sill had been thrown against the wall, clumps of the dirt that had held their roots in place flattened into the once-white carpet.
And amidst the chaos stood Todd, his hands at his sides, his eyes closed lightly as if trying to block it all out.
"Todd, what happened?!" Tea cried, stepping toward him. "What did you do this for?!" She knelt beside one of the broken lamps and began to collect the broken shards.
"Tea..." Todd began softly, his voice thin with emotion he was barely able to keep in check.
"Half of this stuff is going to have to be replaced!" she interrupted, gesturing wildly with a handful of glass at the broken furniture. "How are we--"
"Tea, Blair's dead."
Tea looked up sharply, immediately looking for any sign of humor in his dark features.
He blinked once, twice, and the tears began to fall.
The glass Tea had collected slid out of her suddenly careless hands and she barely noticed the sharp stabs of pain when her palms were sliced by the pointed shards.
She was numb with shock.
Todd tried to speak over his tears. "I was just heading out to work when the phone rang....it was Max Holden. He....he said she died just over two hours ago."
Tea forced herself to speak over the terrifying emptiness she felt gnawing at her heart. "H..." she began, swallowing hard. "How?"
"She was....on her way to pick up Starr from....school when..." he trailed off, letting loose a loud, hiccuping sob.
"When what?"
"When she was hit by....a drunk driver. Both she and the other driver were killed instantly."
Todd fell to his knees in the middle of the floor, picking up the bloodied pieces of glass that Tea had dropped just minutes before.
She put her hands to his face, wiping gently at his tears, the blood from the gashes on her hands mixing with his tears in a crazy cocktail.
His eyes met hers for just a moment and she pulled him close, whispering words of comfort that she wished she felt herself. They huddled together in the middle of a disarray that seemed appropriate for the occasion, looking like the lone survivors of a war they hadn't had a hope of winning.

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A crisp breeze blew the dead leaves in crazy swirls around their feet as they stood beside the open grave. Tea huddled closer to Todd as they listened to Rev. Carpenter's final words, taken from the Bible's well-known Psalm 23.
"Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
Tea felt tears prick her eyes and looking up at Todd, noticed his were damp as well.
Starr was holding her father's hand, her plain black dress swirling around her little ankles in the cool wind. She stood ramrod straight, her face stony, her eyes blank. Her utter lack of emotion was almost eerie.
After over a year apart, it was strange for Tea to see her step-daughter again. She had grown and matured considerably; she was obviously very well disciplined courtesy of the boarding school Max and Blair had sent her to in Europe.
Their reunion was bittersweet. Max had dropped her off the day before the wake and she had stood in the doorway of the penthouse, a small suitcase in one hand and a half-eaten apple in the other, casting confused glances first at Tea then at Todd.
Tea had looked at Todd, then stepped forward. "Starr, this is your Daddy, and I'm--"
"I remember, Tee," she'd interrupted softly, dropping her gaze to the floor.
Todd had reached out to give her a hug and her arms remained stiff at her sides.
"Do you remember where your old room is?" Todd had asked, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth at the sight of his daughter after so many months apart, despite the impetus of their rushed reunion.
Starr had nodded and lugged her little suitcase upstairs without so much as another word.
They had chalked her complete apathy up to shock and grief over the loss of her mother.
But now Tea wasn't so sure.
People began to move away from the grave when the first mounds of dirt were shoveled over the coffin.
"Coming?" Tea asked her husband gently.
Todd shook his head dully. "I want to stay here for awhile longer, okay?" he asked quietly.
"Me too," Starr echoed, her first real words since her arrival in Llanview.
Tea nodded. "All right. I'll be in the car." She said, sensing their need to be alone.
She kissed Todd lightly, ruffled Starr's hair, and began to walk away.
Opening the door of the car, she turned back to look at Todd and Starr, their backs to her, holding hands in front of the grave of a woman that had affected all of their lives so profoundly. A woman who had a connection, a bond, with both Starr and Todd, that went way beyond anything physical.
And one which Tea didn't think she'd ever understand.

TO BE CONTINUED

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