PREVIOUSLY

Todd: You've seen how I am.

Tea: You seem much the same. I'll let you get back to work. (Turns and leaves.)

Todd: (A little baffled:) Bye. (After Tina leaves, to himself:) What does she want this time? Probably money. I got the inheritance. (Goes back to work.) She can't like me. (Makes a face.)

[Scene ends.]

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[Scene: Sun Publisher's Office. Next day.]

Bo: (Knocking on open door to get Todd's attention.)

Todd: (Not looking up from his work.) I'm busy!

Bo: I can see that, Manning.

Todd: (Looks up sharply from his work.) What the hell do you want?

Bo: You're not going to believe it.

Todd: You're leaving town for good, and this is just a courtesy call?

Bo: Sorry to disappoint you.

Todd: Make it quick then. And no hitting, or I call Security.

Bo: That's what I'm here about.

Todd: (Reaches for phone, face blankly matter-of-fact.)

Bo: (Calmly:) You don't have to do that, Manning.

Todd: (Sarcastic:) You come in peace, is that it? You'll leave on your own two feet, then?

Bo: (Calmly:) When we're done, yeah.

Todd: (Highly skeptical, wary:) We? What's this "we" stuff, Buchanan?

Bo: (Steadily:) This is personal, not business, Manning.

Todd: (Steadily:) There's no difference, not with us.

Bo: (Evenly:) There is in this case.

Todd: (Raises an eyebrow:) Oh really, now?

Bo: (Slightly irritated:) Look, Manning, I've come to apologize for beating you up.

Todd: (Wary:) Ok. What's the catch? With you, there's always a catch.

Bo: (Patiently:) None.

Todd: How many times have you arrested me?

Bo: Countless.

Todd: (Gloating a little:) How many times have I torn you down, you personally, in print and from this very office?

Bo: (A little sheepishly:) Too many to count.

Todd: (Slyly:) How many times have you arrested me when I was innocent?

Bo: (Squirming a little.) More than was reasonable.

Todd: Ha! So you admit that!

Bo: (Shrugs:) It's in your records. There are some things that aren't in your records that could have been, but I didn't record.

Todd: (Raises an eyebrow briefly. Defiant challenge:) Yeah? Like what?

Bo: (Calmly, quietly:) Do you remember when you held Rebecca hostage years ago, and I was cuffing you? I had you pinned down face down on that couch, and you started screaming like you were terrified. You were so completely panicked, but I never knew why.

Todd: (His face falls. Turns away.) None of your business.

Bo: (Unruffled:) Is what you said in court true?

Todd: (Evenly, but quietly defensive:) Do you honestly think I'd tell you if it were?

Bo: (Conceding:) No, I guess not. Look: I'm sorry I beat you up, that was beyond the pale, even for me. You never fought back. It wasn't even a fair fight.

Todd: (Quietly:) No. It wasn't.

Bo: I talked with Viki a couple of days ago. (Todd turns to face Bo. Bo looks Todd in the eyes:) I'm gonna tell you this once, Manning, between you and me: I know something's wrong with you, has been for years.

Todd: (Bristling. Defensively:) There's nothing wrong with me.

Bo: (Patiently:) Hear me out.

Todd: (Silence. Picks up his coffee mug and sips coffee. Looks at Bo.)

Bo: To me, you're still the same as you always were, sick or not. Even still, I'm going to give you some information as a gesture of personal good faith. Viki believes in you, I don't.

Todd: So this is for my sister's sake, and not mine then? (Sarcastic:) How generous. (Skeptical:) How do I know this is on the level, coming as it does from a Buchanan?

Bo: (Evenly:) You don't.

Todd: (Puts mug down on desk. Coolly:) Then why should I hear you out?

Bo: (Casually:) Because it could let you keep this paper.

Todd: (Crosses his arms across his chest.) And you, of all people, would help me do that? Why?

Bo: Personal reasons.

Todd: (Warning tone:) I'm not gonna owe you anything from this little gesture, right? I thought you were seperating business from personal.

Bo: In my family, there is no seperation. This is why I'm giving you this information.

Todd: (Icily:) How then does that affect your apology?

Bo: That's purely personal.

Todd: (Coolly, starting to gloat:) Oh, I see. If this is on the level, it must mean you and the old man aren't so buddy-buddy, and you're ratting out your old man to the enemy. Why? (With some relish:) This oughtta be good!

Bo: (A little irritated, but hiding it:) That's none of your business. Ok. I'll be candid here: another gesture of good faith.

Todd: And?

Bo: (Calmly:) I thought of Drew. What if his stepfather had done to him the things Peter Manning did to you? Would Drew have been like you? Would I have had any way of knowing what was happening to him?

Todd: No. (A bit bitterly, but evenly and steadily:) Such things are done in secret so nobody ever knows until it's too late. Ask Viki.

Bo: (Nods.) So I decided I had been unfair to attack you that night.

Todd: (Smirking a little:) Only on that night?

Bo: (Growing annoyed:) Don't push it, Manning. You want me to withdraw it?

Todd: (Innocent and nonchallant expression and voice:) Up to you, Buchanan.

Bo: (Irritated:) You want the information?

Todd: (Shrugs.) Whatever.

Bo: (Turns to go.)

Todd: (Sudden urgency:) Ok! OK! Jeez.

Bo: (Turns around, hiding a smile.)

Todd: (Impatient:) Tell me. This better be on the level, Buchanan.

Bo: (Calmly:) Ok. This is purely business now.

Todd: (Irritated:) Spit it out already, I gotta deadline.

Bo: (Calmly:) It's pretty simple stuff, actually. Asa wants The Sun --

Todd: (Annoyed and bristling:) That's all? I know he wants it.

Bo: (Mildly irritated:) No, that's not all.

Todd: Ok... (Sits at desk again, looks at Bo:) You got my interest.

Bo: Finally. In a nutshell: Pa has a fake company set up to buy out your paper. It's an oil company, once you trace it back, and it will lead to him, but out by one step. Remember his middle name is Jeb, as in Jeb Stuart. Some step along the way is some sort of publishing outfit. Don't be fooled. That one's a paper corporation, or so he says. I have no real idea.

Todd: That's all you're telling me?

Bo: It should be all you need to know to figure the rest out. I don't know all of Pa's plans.

Todd: Sounds like you got a look at some documents or files, or Asa spilled to you.

Bo: No. This is legitimately all I know, it's all he told me and Max. You'll have to take my word for it on that score. You may be many things, Manning, but stupid isn't one of them.

Todd: Thank you. I think.

Bo: You're welcome. I think.

Todd: (Pause. A little stunned:) What did we just do?

Bo: (Evenly:) We were civil and well-mannered towards each other. Viki would be proud of you.

Todd: (Raises an eyebrow at Bo.) Whew. (Looks away.) Well, I'm glad that's over. (Looks at Bo.) Neither one of us was being ourselves just then.

Bo: (Rolls eyes.) I knew it couldn't last.

Todd: Why should it? (Making a shooing motion with his hand:) Now, out. I've got a deadline to meet.

Bo: Bye. (Leaves, shaking head.)

Todd: (To self:) That was weird. (Grabs phone, punches in an extension.) Yeah, it's your boss. Find out everything you can about any company trying to buy this paper, report to me or to my wife, ADA Delgado. Look for reference to Asa Buchanan, or Jeb -- yeah, J-E-B -- or the name Stuart -- S-T-U-A-R-T. Email to follow. NOW! My source says this will lead almost to Asa, I want to check this story out and then nail the old bastard. Front page news. (Hangs up.) This could be fun! (Smiles to himself. Starts typing at his computer.) I know! I'll give this to Blair. That'll keep her occupied for a while. (Typing and reciting as he types:> "Hand this off to Blair Cramer as an anonymous tip, and send her out." Yes. I love this. I'll get more time with my kid out of this, too. (Grins.)

[Scene ends.]

[Scene: Dr. Boyd's office. Two days later.]

Dr. Boyd: It's good to see you again, Todd. How do you feel?

Todd: (Looking very anxious.) Nervous. I don't really want to be here. I feel like screaming and running out.

Dr. Boyd: (Calmly:) I understand.

Todd: (Agitated:) I promised myself no games this time. I'm really going to try to make this work with you.

Dr. Boyd: That's good. How have things been going since we last met? What brought you back here?

Todd: You're taking me back? Just like that?

Dr. Boyd: Yes.

Todd: (Cynically:) Oh, it's because I pay you so much.

Dr. Boyd: I'd do it for free.

Todd: You're crazy.

Dr. Boyd: (Smiles.) So I've been told.

Todd: It's not because of the courts or anything.

Dr. Boyd: I do have to notify Judge Calloway that you're back in therapy.

Todd: I know. (Sarcastic:) I'm sure she'll be happy about it. She won't get to put me in jail this time.

Dr. Boyd: I don't know why she hasn't contacted me, I'm sure she's aware you're in town and seeing your daughter, especially since the custody arrangements were changed by Miss Cramer in your favour some time ago.

Todd: I know. (Pauses.) I've been having more nightmares.

Dr. Boyd: Can you talk about them?

Todd: Not yet.

Dr. Boyd: Ok. How did you come back to Llanview?

Todd: I was gone a long time. Lost some memories for a while, then turned up at my sister's house one day, sick. Viki took care of me until I got back on my feet. Helped me remember things.

Dr. Boyd: Do you know where you were then?

Todd: Not really. I think I spent some time in Chicago, after some time in New York City. I don't really know what happened then. I might have just wandered. I know I holed up somewhere for a while and just drank like a fish. I was a mess when I got to Viki's, it took my niece and my sister a moment to even recognize it was me. They found me in the snow at their door. I still don't know how I got there or how I remembered where to go.

Dr. Boyd: And your wife?

Todd: She recognized me. (Smiles.) Nearly bit my head off. She saw how sick I was and held off until she thought I was better, but then some really bad stuff happened. I guess it scared her a lot. Tea and I had a huge fight a couple days ago. (Smiling:) She really ripped into me. She sometimes terrifies me, I'll think I've lost her for good and then she comes back or takes me back. She's the only person I want to be scared with.

Dr. Boyd: So, she took you back?

Todd: Yes.

Dr. Boyd: Why the smile?

Todd: (Still smiling:) She's so fearless. I love that about her. She just went after me, and I let her.

Dr. Boyd: And that was good? Why? Sounds masochistic.

Todd: I like that she gets in my face, even though this was so hard. I trust her more than anyone else. I need her to help me feel.

Dr. Boyd: Why?

Todd: It's hard to explain. She finds me. She's the only one who can.... like she helps me get my feet back on the ground, you know? Oooo, a Beatles moment.

Dr. Boyd: (Smiles at the comment, then:) She "grounds" you.

Todd: That's the psychobabble for it?

Dr. Boyd: Yes. (Smiles briefly.)

Todd: She understands me. Sometimes without my saying a word, she sees right through me. That can be pretty scary, and for a long while we seemed to lose that and all this bad stuff happened that got me here.

Dr. Boyd: What was the fighting about?

Todd: A lot of our past. We've hurt each other so badly, but we love each other. I had punched her in all the hostage crap, after in the shed, really hard. I was stressed out, freaked out. I'd dragged her off to Viki's garden shed from the lodge. Tea'd been screaming at me in the car. We argued, I freaked out even more. She was telling me to rape her like I raped Marty. Daring me. (Quietly, anguished:) Oh god...... (draws his breath shakily, then:) What I did to Marty was brutal, and having Tea tell me to do that to her, I snapped, freaking out even more -- I was going down so far and so fast then -- I punched her in the head. I just wanted the screaming to stop! (Tears.)

Dr. Boyd: (Quietly:) You're doing fine. Take a moment.

Todd: (Composes himself. Then:) Doc, I knocked Tea out. Then I freaked out still -- I mean, I was just gone -- more over what I'd done to her. I realized what I'd done and I pounded the lounge chair and screamed my lungs out. It took everything not to cry then. I was horrified. I made things so much worse. (Voice cracks, looks miserable and near tears.)

Dr. Boyd: Why didn't you want to cry?

Todd: (With difficulty at first:) I did. If I had I wouldn't've been able to stop, and I had to be able to think my way out of all that. I couldn't. Later, Tea hit me with a shovel and knocked me out. We could've killed each other. We were both so wrong that night and out of control. Especially me. I was a wreck.

Dr. Boyd: (Quietly:) How do you feel about all that?

Todd: (With great difficulty:) Shame. Remorse. (Tears. He seems to hold his breath, as if trying to contain his agony over these memories. Wipes tears from face roughly with heels of hands.) I tied her up. I went to the greenhouse and picked her some strawberries. I kissed her. (Teary again.)> I wanted to make it up to her, but I knew I couldn't.

Dr. Boyd: (Quietly:) You're doing fine, Todd. You seem really stressed right now, but you're ok. You've jumped right back in here, which seems like something big happened.

Todd: (Trying to regain composure, sarcastically:) You could say that, yeah.

Dr. Boyd: You're trusting me with a lot right now. That's very brave.

Todd: (Still trying to regain composure:) I'm not brave. I have no guts left. Not after Peter ripped them out.

Dr. Boyd: (Waits for him a moment. Then:) In the court records, Tea tried to have you convicted at first and sent to prison. Why did you go back to her?

Todd: (Calmer. Pauses.) I know I love her more than my life. I'd do anything for her, but I did feel very betrayed. I can't live without her. (Looks away. Sadly:) Maybe I really am stupid.

Dr. Boyd: You're not stupid. Did your father call you stupid?

Todd: All the time. He said I was garbage, remember?

Dr. Boyd: I do. How did that leave you feeling?

Todd: (Winces hard, making a small but audible noise of pain, then:) Awful. (Pain written on his face, he catches his breath to calm down.)

Dr. Boyd: (Calmly:) He didn't let you get away with very much, did he?

Todd: Nothing. (Calmer.) Tea doesn't let me get away with much, but she isn't punitive about it. She doesn't tell me I'm stupid if I screw up. She thinks I'm beautiful..... I dunno 'bout that. All I know is she doesn't look at me like I'm some sort of monster, and I don't feel so scared all the time when I'm with her. I'm not so scared of myself when I'm with her. I told her on our wedding day that I wanted to be scared only with her. I love her, but I've never been sure she loves me. I go back and forth sometimes.

Dr. Boyd: You're not as sure she loves you?

Todd: How can anyone? But then I look in her eyes and..... (trails off)

Dr. Boyd: I saw the look on her face in the diner when you proposed to her. She loves you very deeply.

Todd: (Thinks.) Yeah, she must, or she's crazier than I am, 'cos I treat her so badly sometimes and she still comes back or sticks with me through my worst moments. She's a saint.... well, not really. But it would take a saint to stick by me and she has that in her. Sometimes she has to fight me for me, and I'm stunned anyone would do that for me. She's stuck with me longer than anybody else.

Dr. Boyd: It seems there are some people who do find something about you worth loving.

Todd: It's so hard to see.

Dr. Boyd: I see it in the way they interact with you. The things you say they do in regards to you are often very loving, even though you seem so baffled by it and even frightened.

Todd: I try to reach out, but I can't. So I push everyone away so I don't hurt them. That's completely backwards, I know, but that's me.

Dr. Boyd: Or so they don't hurt you?

Todd: (Looks away.)

Dr. Boyd: Do you want me to stop pressing you on this for the moment?

Todd: (Looks at him.) Yes.

Dr. Boyd: (Matter-of-factly:) Ok. We can go back to this later.

Todd: (A little shocked:) Just like that? I can say "no" and it's ok?

Dr. Boyd: Here, yes. I'm not going to lock you up for saying no to me when you need me to back off, you know.

Todd: (Looks away.) That's not the thing to say.

Dr. Boyd: (Unsure:) That I'm not going to lock you up for saying "no"?

Todd: (Quietly:) Yes.

Dr. Boyd: (Carefully:) Did someone do that to you?

Todd: Other than prison?

Dr. Boyd: Yes.

Todd: Yes.

Dr. Boyd: I see.

[Scene ends.]

TO BE CONTINUED