PREVIOUSLY

Todd: It never ceases to amaze me. You never cease to amaze me. I don't think I'm worth it but you do. What's wrong with this picture?

Tea: You are. Because you really are worth all this.

Todd: I don't deserve this.

Tea: You deserve to be loved, and I love you.

Todd: I don't deserve you.

Tea: You're stuck with me anyway, Manning.

[Scene ends.]

**************************************************************************************************

Tea: (Gets up and crosses to desk. Checks the answering machine and hears Antonio's message.)

Todd: Wait, you're not gonna go see that creep?

Tea: (Putting her pumps back on.) Antonio is a childhood friend of mine, Todd.

Todd: Yeah, but I remember the way you danced with him. You-you were having waaay too much fun.

Tea: Antonio and I danced together as children sometimes. If you're so jealous, why don't you dance with me?

Todd: I don't do dancing, Delgado.

Tea: Oh, yes you do! We danced at our wedding. You were wonderful.

Todd: I was freaking out I was so nervous, I bet I broke your foot. I couldn't tell where your feet were with you in that Grim Sweeper of a dress.

Tea: You were far from my feet. You did not break my foot. You're a very graceful, fluid dancer. Even with me in that Grim Sweeper dress.

Todd: I worked really hard on that dance.

Tea: Well, it paid off. I'm going to Carlotta's to see Antonio.

Todd: You're leaving me?

Tea: I'm only going to Carlotta's.

Todd: You're going to him, aren't you? This is some sort of code, right, on the answering machine?

Tea: Noooo..... Don't do this, Todd....

Todd: Don't do what?

Tea: Don't play this paranoia game. I am not leaving you. You could go with me to Carlotta's.

Todd: No, they all hate me.

Tea: Really, this would be a harmless visit. I'm going over there.

Todd: FINE. You go. You go see your precious 'Tonio. I bet Del's there waiting to tell you what a scum you married and to take you away from me. That's it isn't it? You're leaving me, right?

Tea: Todd! I am not leaving you! It's only for part of the evening. Where is this coming from?

Todd: No, I don't believe you. It's finally gotten to be too much and you're leaving me. I knew it. You -- you called ahead and-and pre-arranged this or something.

Tea: Where is this coming from, Todd?

Todd: Where's what coming from? You're the one leaving me!

Tea: (Makes an exasperated noise. Yelling:) FINE. OK. You want the truth?!

Todd: I knew it...

Tea: (Shouting:) Yeah, I'm leaving you! I'm -- I'm going off to -- Oh... I'm eloping with Cristian, only we didn't want to tell you!

Todd: You -- You're WHAT?! You can't leave now! You'd do that to Jessica?!

Tea: And just why is it that I can't this time, Manning?

Todd: (Sputters and stammers as he tries to think fast:) Be -- be -- It's -- It's Starr, you know? Starr needs you, Delgado.

Tea: Don't you "Starr needs you" me, Manning! It's you, you louse, you -- you [curses him in Spanish] --

Todd: Ooooohoho. Whoa. I love it when you talk dirty to me, Delgado.

Tea: Starr may or may not need me, but everytime in the past when you've come at me with "Starr needs you", or, sillier still, "Moose needs you", it's been because you couldn't tell me it was you who needs me. You, Todd. Not your child, not your pet --

Todd: (Sarcastic bravado, attempting to be casual:) You're lucky he's not home to hear you call him a "pet", Delgado. He thinks he's in charge here.

Tea: Oh, just cut it out, Todd! Everytime you've pulled that on me it was you all the time. Go ahead, admit it! Come on...

Todd: No, it was Starr. Really Delgado.

Tea: She can speak for herself, she doesn't need you to say it for her, you know. Not at her age.

Todd: Sometimes she needs her Daddy to speak in her place. Like the custody stuff.

Tea: This isn't about custody right now, this is about you and me, Todd. If there is still a you and me.

Todd: Oh, god... Delgado, what do you think?! There is if you still want to be with me, but you were just leaving, so I guess I've got the answer after all. Go ahead and leave! Sooner or later you all do.

Tea: Tell me it was you who needed me all those times. Tell me you need me now.

Todd: (Turns away, after a look of intense anguish floods his face. Shakes his head.) Go!

Tea: (Follows him around so that she is facing him.)

Todd: (Looks away, trying to hide his face.)

Tea: You do. It was you each of those times, and you do now. I can see it all over your face and your body. You want to push me away so you can push away how awful this whole custody battle really feels.

Todd: (Trying to make his voice even, but it cracks under strain:) No. I'm not.

Tea: I know you're lying.

Todd: (Angry to cover obvious anguish now, looks at her:) I'm not lying this time! It was never me, I don't need anyone, least of all you! Go away!

Tea: A minute ago you were trying to get me to stay by keeping me talking to you, arguing with you! You don't think I knew what you were doing, Todd? I was on to you within the first minute, I know you.

Todd: No you don't.

Tea: Oh, yes, I do! You panicked, you got all paranoid --

Todd: (Anger again, looking her in the eyes finally and looking very fierce:) Just go then! Go! Leave me the hell alone!

Tea: (Just as fiercely:) Make me!

Todd: (Moves to do something violent, reaching for her arms and stopping short of grabbing them, standing like that a moment and looking at his hands in horror, then slowly reaching out for her arms to hold them gently while trying to do everything he can not to break down.)

Tea: (Lets him take her arms in his hands and looks at him.)

Todd: (Cannot open his eyes, it's part of trying not to cry, but he is sniffling hard at intervals. His face contorts as he struggles for control.)

Tea: (Lifts one arm out of his grasp easily and strokes his hair and his face.)

Todd: (When she gets to his chin and begins to stroke his chin, he opens his eyes and the tears flood down his face unwanted. He is shaking with the effort of control.)

Tea: (Quietly looks in his eyes, now weeping herself, and wipes his tears away.) You didn't hurt me, Todd. I'm ok.

Todd: Don't cry, Delgado. Please. (Sniffles, his face scrunches up in the effort not to just bawl, and he sniffles again trying to steady his breathing.)

Tea: I love you. This is not a time when we should let ourselves be fighting like this. This time it's true that Starr needs me, but so do you. Look at you, huh? You're a mess. I even got you thinking I was eloping with Cris. Come on!

Todd: Look, I'm just not handling things well these days. I'm finally admitting it to you, ok? Just to you.

Tea: You said I was the only one you wanted to be scared with. I guess it's taking me a long time to really see what you were trying to tell me that hideous night. You were trying in every way you could to let me know you were so scared and you wanted to be with me so badly. I didn't understand how seriously you really mean that about wanting to be scared only with me until the last month or so. You mean that in every way, I think, don't you?

Todd: Stop talking, ok? Just shut up for a minute, ok? (Wipes his face on his sleeves.)

Tea: And do what?

Todd: Well, either keep talking and talk me down, or do something else. I don't even care if you drug me again and drag me to bed. I can't seem to wind down enough to even pretend I can even vaguely relax. I'm not sure I even want to relax, 'cos you know what happens. You think I couldn't sit still before...

Tea: That bad?

Todd: At least. Sometimes it feels like someone took an eggbeater to my insides and mixed everything up. Sometimes everything just hurts. I feel this overwhelming sense of dread, I mean I always do, but this is over and above even that.

Tea: You're doing a good job of calming yourself down, you know. You told me to shut up, but then you took over. You changed the subject.

Todd: (Sighs.)

Tea: You're a wreck. Were you serious about letting me drug you?

Todd: I can do it myself... (Crosses to desk and gets two packets of herbal sleep remedy, crosses to kitchen and returns with a glass of water.) See? (Rips packets open, pours contents into water, stirs with finger, licks finger, makes a face -- ) That's disgusting! Maybe if I drink it fast?

Tea: Try it.

Todd: (Holds his nose like a little boy drinking something noxious on a dare, gulps it down fast and makes a lot of disgusted faces after the fact.) Bleah.

Tea: (Giggling.)

Todd: Have you done it this way?

Tea: Yeah.

Todd: Oh.

Tea: Haven't you?

Todd: Not until now. I'm not doing that again! Eeeew!

Tea: (Still giggling.)

Todd: Oh, big help. I bare my soul to you, my heart, and you giggle.

Tea: I'm not giggling about that and you know it.

Todd: Let's go. (Burps loudly.) Oh, gross! I hope we have enough mouthwash.

Tea: I thought you could eat anything.

Todd: Even I have my culinary and medicinal limits.

Tea: Ready?

Todd: Yeah.

[They make their way up the stairs. Scene ends.]

[Scene: PH2 MBR, a few minutes later.]

Tea: (Taking off her shoes again:) Why did you end up with Blair?

Todd: (Flopping tiredly down on bed and stretching himself out.) I don't know.

Tea: (Comes to sit next to him and places her hand on his stomach.) Were you lonely?

Todd: (Looking in her eyes.) I'm always lonely.

Tea: Even with me? (Begins to stroke his stomach gently.)

Todd: Except with you.

Tea: Did you love Blair? I always thought you did.

Todd: I thought I did. The first time we had sex it was winter and I had this awful hotel room. I was lonely, it was Christmastime so you can imagine I was miserable. I'd just gotten back from Chicago, burying my old man and settling his affairs, finding out he'd left me nothing. He really did hate me, and I was all alone. Blair came by, talked about her problems with Cord. She said she didn't want to be alone, and I told her I didn't either. I trusted her with that.

Tea: How was that? Did it help?

Todd: I scared her when I lost control and got rough.

Tea: You did?

Todd: She made me stop, she stopped it. I told her to tell me if she wanted me to stop she should just tell me.

Tea: And she did.

Todd: And I did. Not like with Marty. I wanted to not scare Blair that night. I wanted to do the right thing. I wanted to not be alone, and I knew if I got too scary, too rough, she'd bolt.

Tea: Even though she didn't want to be alone, either?

Todd: I knew I'd end up hurting her or chasing her away or both. I didn't want to hurt her. I didn't want another Marty.

Tea: What did you do? (Caressing his chest.)

Todd: We stopped. We went to her place, here. Then we did it. I was real gentle, and she seemed to really like that. It was ok, I didn't disgust her, didn't scare her. She let me stay here with her after. This same bed.

Tea: Was it just sex for you?

Todd: Mostly, yeah. (Takes her hand in his and holds it against his chest.) I just didn't want to be alone. Anyone who had showed me they cared then and wanted to be with me, I probably would've gone to bed with them that night.

Tea: You sound like you were desperate that night.

Todd: I was pathetic. I was a wreck. (Turns on his side so her side is against his stomach, and he subtly seems to be snuggling up to her while he gathers the pillow under his head with his right arm, his left arm across his chest so his hand rests on the bed in front of him.) The last thing I wanted in those days was to be alone and that night was one of the worst around then. I figured, sure: I'll have sex with Blair, why not? For the time we're going at it neither one of us is alone, right?

Tea: You don't sound sure of that. (Putting her arm around him and her hand on the bed behind him.)

Todd: It was just sex. I was having sex with Blair, but I was still alone.

Tea: Did she touch you a lot? (Reaches out to play with his hair and stroke his face.)

Todd: Yeah.

Tea: Did that ease your despair at all?

Todd: Only a little.

Tea: (Strokes his face a moment, looking into his eyes.) Why did you choose me?

Todd: Not out of loneliness, nothing like that.

Tea: Then why?

Todd: (Takes a breath. Quietly:) Because I love you. Almost since I first saw you in my office that first day.

Tea: But you loved Blair.

Todd: Loved. I hate her now, don't even like her very much. I love you, Tea. I do.

Tea: I can see you panicking already. Your breathing's just changed. I know you love me.

Todd: Do you -- ? Umm...

Tea: (Prompts:) Do I love you?

Todd: Do you? (She begins stroking his face again. He seems drowsy.)

Tea: Yes. Don't let your fear let you forget that I do love you. I do.

Todd: (Eyes widen a bit:) I'm scared.

Tea: So am I. We'll get through this.

Todd: We'd better. I can't lose my kid. (His eyelids seem heavy again.)

Tea: We won't lose Starr. We won't lose each other.

Todd: I can't lose you.

Tea: You won't.

Todd: Promise? 'Cos I don't wanna be alone.

Tea: I'm right here. (Lays down and he has to move over on the bed to make room.)

Todd: (Looking warily in her eyes:) If I lose you, I lose hope. I don't wanna lose hope.

Tea: (Her hand on his neck, her thumb stroking his cheek.) I'm right here.

Todd: (Sleepily reaches for her face and strokes her cheek with his thumb. Sleepily:) Don't you go. (His eyes finally close.)

Tea: You're ok, Todd. You're ok. I'm not going anywhere. (Brings him closer to hold him.)

[Play Sarah McLachlan's "Hold on", as the scene ends.]

[Scene: Next morning, DK Diner.]

Carlotta: I'll ask Tea when she comes in today.

Antonio: Ok. I didn't see Cris last night, either.

Carlotta: He finally called after you went to bed, he's with Jessica.

Antonio: Mrs. Carpenter let them spend the night together under her roof?

Carlotta: In seperate rooms.

Antonio: (Laughs.) I see.

Carlotta: We may be old broads, mijo, but neither Viki nor I have completely forgotten our youths.

Antonio: (Laughs again.) I really have missed you, Mami.

Nora: (Enters.) Antonio, hi. (They embrace.) How was your trip?

Antonio: Ok. I'm still adjusting to this timezone. Mami's just poured me my second cup of coffee (holds the mug up to show Nora before he takes a sip.) So, what's on today's agenda?

Nora: Coffee... (Sitting on the next stool at the counter and setting her bag down.)

Antonio: How is Matthew?

[One of the anonymous staff pours Nora's coffee.]

Nora: (Looks at the pourer:) Thanks. (To Antonio:) Oh, he's fine. He's too young to really understand all this and he's oblivious, thankfully.

Antonio: How's Rachel handling things?

Nora: I think this is hard on her, she went through a bitter custody battle when she was a bit older than this and I think it did scar her. Hank and I have talked about our decisions during that time and really we're not sure we always did the right things for Rachel's sake. It was pretty horrible.

Antonio: Let's see that this doesn't happen to your son.

Nora: I'll drink to that. (Raises her coffee cup and they clink them as if toasting, before sipping their coffee. They giggle at each other as they drink.)

[Scene ends.]

[Scene: Evening, PH2, after work same day.]

Tea: (Entering PH2 with Todd.) What was it like with you and Blair before we met? When you were dating, or whatever it was?

Todd: (Tosses keys onto his desk, shrugs.) We were friends at first. (Tracks Tea as she crosses the livingroom to the stage left overstuffed chair and puts her shell and briefcase down on it. He crosses his arms.) I met her at Rodi's when I lived upstairs and was just out of prison. When I worked as a janitor at the hospital. I needed a friend. We had that Most Pathetic Award thing going, us against all of Llanview pretty much. Together we'd fight the whole town and win kind of thing. Not the way you and me do. I thought she believed in me. I mean, Blair, let's face it, right? She used me like some sort of trained dog to go after all the people she hated.

Tea: Some of them hated you, too.

Todd: Yeah, and they still do, but she used me, you understand? And I was so damn desperate I let her!

Tea: She lied to you, but you lied to her, too.

Todd: I didn't start lying until I found out what she was doing. She faked a pregnancy to get me to stay by her, and when she was really pregnant she got me to stick by her 'cos she said it was my kid.

Tea: Starr?

Todd: No, the other one. Our son, remember? Starr was later. He didn't even get a name.

Tea: That's sad.

Todd: At the time I was so angry at Blair and so scared of being a father, I didn't even want my son named. I don't even now.

Tea: (Frowns.)

Todd: What? We were devastated, I don't ever want to go back to that place.

Tea: Oh. Yeah, I wouldn't. I hope we don't... Did you believe her?

Todd: Yeah. I don't know why. She convinced me that she loved me, and that he was mine. When he died, like I said, it was devastating. Blair just proved everything I'd grown up believing about women, item by item, day by day. She's just like all the rest.

Tea: (Moves closer to him a few steps. Gently:) I'm one of the good ones, remember?

Todd: Yeah. Good thing you're on my side. I didn't want to go through that again, losing a kid and being lied to, and when Viki put Starr in my arms I didn't know what to do. I wasn't too sure I wanted to be a Dad, you know? I wanted to stay far away from that kid, but Viki wouldn't let me. I was so scared I'd drop her or something. She put Starr in my arms and made me hold onto her. Starr was so tiny, she needed me so much. I looked in her big baby eyes though as I held her to look at her, right? It was like falling down a rabbit hole. I haven't come out yet. I love my kid.

Tea: She's not so tiny now but she still needs you.

Todd: And I need her.

Tea: She loves you, no matter what you've done.

Todd: Now who's speaking for her instead of saying what they mean?

Tea: She does! Ok. But you already know I do.

Todd: (Seems to ignore her last comment, yet the fact that he's talking to Tea about this next indicates he did hear her.) I went over to Vik's office the other day.

Tea: And?

Todd: I think she's real ticked at me right now.

Tea: (Slightly scolding, wary:) What'd you do...?

Todd: I said some things I shouldn't've, and -- it -- everything I wanted to say to her came out all wrong as usual and I got her mad at me, that's all.

Tea: I'm sure it'll pass. Viki loves you, Todd. She never stopped.

Todd: I'm not so sure about that. You didn't hear what she said to me on our wedding night.

Tea: I know it shook you up and hurt you very badly --

Todd: You have no idea. She just turned to ice on me.

Tea: You must really love your sister.

Todd: I guess.

Tea: Having a big sister still means a lot to you, doesn't it?

Todd: Don't tell Tina, ok? It'll go to that empty head of hers and I'll never shake her off. Like if you feed a stray puppy.

Tea: You don't have the choice. They're your sisters, like my brothers are my brothers no matter what we think of each other.

Todd: Oh, a biology lesson, huh?

Tea: A reality lesson. You seem to need someone to get your feet on the ground for you.

Todd: (Quiet a moment. Looks at Tea.) You're it. You do that better than anyone. Do I do that for you? Are you still happy? Do I still make you happy?

Tea: Yes, I am and you do. Both.

Todd: (Looks at her, studying her eyes and then her mouth as he usually does.) You look very tired. Are you ok? You're not pregnant?!

Tea: I'm fine, and as far as I know I'm not pregnant. I wouldn't mind it, since it would be your child.

Todd: I don't know... Besides, we haven't been using anything.

Tea: I'd tell you if I were, believe me. I'm just tired.

Todd: From looking after me.

Tea: I've had a long day. You're a wonderful father, Starr just adores you. You're her whole world.

Todd: You and Starr are my whole world.

Tea: I know that. You're mine. I wouldn't mind having a child with you.

Todd: Let me take care of you?

Tea: What do you have in mind?

Todd: What do you want? I'll get you anything you want.

Tea: What I want is right here.

Todd: Here?

Tea: Here.

Todd: What?

Tea: You.

Todd: I'm enough for you?

Tea: Yes.

Todd: You could have anything you want, why do you want me?

Tea: Because, even though you're not a thing, you said you'd give me anything I wanted and I want you.

Todd: What do you want me to do, then?

Tea: (Sits on couch.) Sit with me for a while?

Todd: And do what?

Tea: Things to help me relax.

Todd: (Thinks. Sits on couch next to her. Motioning towards her feet:) Take your shoes off.

Tea: (Kicks off her pumps.)

Todd: (Reaches down and brings her feet into his lap and begins to rub her feet.) You can lie down if you want.

Tea: Ugh. I want. (Lays down along couch length.)

Todd: (Rubs her feet for a little while.)

Tea: (Begins to relax.)

[Scene cuts away to:]

[Scene: Nora's house, same evening.]

Nora: Rachel?

Rachel: (In another room:) Yeah, Mom?

Nora: How do you feel about this brewing custody wrangle over Matthew?

Rachel: (Enters the room carrying some books.) I dunno. (Shrugs.)

Nora: Rachel...

Rachel: (Crosses to desk and sets books down.) Look, I was older and it was awful. I hated being fought over and how angry you both seemed to be. For a long time I was so sure I'd done something wrong, that it was me and no one wanted to come out and tell me I was the bad one in all that.

Nora: You were a little girl then, that kind of thinking is natural at that age.

Rachel: Sure, but you don't easily forget it.

Nora: Do you think Matthew knows?

Rachel: I don't think he's old enough to have a clue, which is why I think that if this kind of fighting has to happen it's better for him for it to be settled while he's still tiny.

Nora: Good point.

Rachel: He's a happy little boy right now. (Thinking a moment.) I mean, look at Starr Manning. She's made it very clear to Andrew and Tea and even to Kelly, according to Andrew, that more than anything she wants to be with her father. Personally --

Nora: I can't see why --

Rachel: Exactly, but she does. Who are we to tell her she shouldn't want to be with the guy she calls her best friend?

Nora: If Todd's her best friend --

Rachel: Mom, Starr is "Daddy's Little Girl". Do you have any idea what that feels like? Do you have any idea what it felt like for me to lose my Daddy when he moved after that whole fight over my custody?

Nora: You were very unhappy.

Rachel: For a very long time. I mean, great I was with you, sure. But I'd been torn to pieces just to have one of you keep me. I missed Dad. After a while I just stopped talking about it, but I missed him all the time.

Nora: I hadn't realized you'd never stopped missing him, despite the visitation. I'm so sorry. It was a horrible time for all of us. I still love your father, although not the way I did when we were married and we made you.

Rachel: That's a nice set of platitudes, Mom, but it still doesn't change how much this hurt me. I don't want that for my brother, so since it has to happen at all I'm relieved for his sake it's happening now and not when it happened to me.

Nora: Honey? I'm sorry. I didn't know it had hurt you so badly for so long.

Rachel: After a while I realized I couldn't share it with you anymore and I stopped talking about it, most often pretending it was ok.

Nora: I know you had a number of friends through school who were children of divorce.

Rachel: We kept each other going through some of the worst stuff at times, but mostly even we didn't talk about it much amongst ourselves. Some of us really were ok, some had a better life because of the divorce when their Moms remarried and there were more kids and stuff, but some of us just couldn't talk about it because it still hurt. I wanted Dad at all those firsts, you know? And he'd moved away, eventually to here. I went to College and he came to see me sometimes there, but it wasn't the same as having known him well for all those lost years. I know Dad loves me, but it's not the same as having had him there, you know? Hearing that every day. Seeing it. Look at River.

Nora: But his parents still live in the same town.

Rachel: And he hears from each of them almost every day how much they both love him and that none of what happened is his fault.

Nora: And you want that for Matthew?

Rachel: And for Starr. All kids deserve to know that.

[Scene ends.]

TO BE CONTINUED