PREVIOUSLY

Tea: Can I watch you sleep?

Todd: If I can sleep.

Tea: Give it a shot.

Todd: Don't make so much noise.

Tea: (Giggles quietly.)

Todd: (Smirks tiredly, eyes still closed.)

[Scene ends.]

**************************************************************************************************

[Scene: Morning, PH2 Livingroom.]

Todd: Can I ask you something, Delgado?

Tea: Sure, what about? Legal stuff?

Todd: Personal. Only ... I don't know how to ask. (Looks towards the stairs to make sure they're alone.)

Tea: What's wrong?

Todd: You gotta promise not to laugh.

Tea: I don't know what you're gonna ask.

Todd: (Anxious:) Just forget it.

Tea: No, now I'm curious. I promise not to laugh.

Todd: (Steels himself, eyes closed. Opens eyes.) Ok. (Takes a breath, and as if it's all one word:) Am-I-good-in-bed?

Tea: (Laughs.)

Todd: (Face falls.) You said -- you promised you wouldn't laugh!

Tea: (Giggling:) Was that all one word, Todd?

Todd: No, it wasn't all one word! ... Am I?

Tea: You're fantastic!

Todd: (Anxious:) No. You're just saying that so I'll stop asking disgusting things.

Tea: (Serious:) No, Todd, I'm not just saying it. You're a wonderful, attentive, tender lover. Nobody else, except maybe your ex, knows that about you.

Todd: I'm sure someone's asked you if that's why you stay. "Oh, you stay 'cos the sex's so good! No, wait, everyone knows he can't get it up."

Tea: That's so cruel, Todd! And no, no one's asked me, but they do all seem to assume you don't, umm, "put out". Sorry.

Todd: (Shrugs. Looks at her intently, steels himself again, then:) Do I fit ok?

Tea: Oh, Todd! Todd, you fit wonderfully.

Todd: Describe it to me?

Tea: What, in detail?

Todd: Well, I mean... no, not gory details, just is it ok? Am I ok in bed?

Tea: Yes. You're a good fit. Not too big, nice and snug. It feels really good. But, then, I do like being close to you even without that. You're a wonderful lover, Todd, and our bodies fit together so well. You have nothing to worry about, ok?

Todd: It doesn't hurt? You'd tell me if it hurt, right?

Tea: Does it feel good?

Todd: I thought it felt good when I raped Marty, I'm no judge.

Tea: You don't hurt me. Our bodies fit together very well. You've always been very gentle.

Todd: It's not too big?

Tea: No. It's not too small, either. You're just right.

Todd: Yeah?

Tea: (Smiles.) Yeah.

Todd: Do I kiss good?

Tea: (Puts her hand on his cheek and seems to embrace his face.) You kiss great. And you hug great. Please don't worry. Your body is so wonderful in so many ways.

Todd: Like what? This isn't gonna turn into one of those "Your Wonderful Body" speeches like they give in Junior High School, is it?

Tea: (Laughs.) No. (Stroking his chin:) You mean, aside from this? Like you said of me, "you're nice to look at and you're nice to think about."

Todd: Yow. It's hard for me, Tea, this affection stuff. I'm not good at it except with Shorty. It's hard to take in, too. Except from you.

Tea: (Stroking his chin, which seems to relax him a little as he looks intently into her eyes as she speaks to him:) You're very good at this affection stuff, no matter how hard you've had to work to get here.

Todd: I am?

Tea: Yes. Somewhere along the line someone treated you with care and gentleness, and somewhere you never forgot that.

Todd: (A little sadly:) My mom.

Tea: (Also a little sadly:) I know. I miss my mami, too, Todd. Todd, you're so beautiful. I love to touch you, too, and to kiss you and hold you close.

Todd: (Hesitates.) Can ... can I kiss you?

Tea: Of course you can. (Moves closer and takes his face in her hands lovingly, looking in his eyes.)

Todd: (Kisses her tenderly, a long kiss, eyes closed. Her hands move into his long hair.)

Tea: (Hugs him close, gently stroking his neck. His eyes closed, he seems to relax and draw courage, but draws just far enough away and rests his forehead against hers.) That was wonderful. Don't stop. (Pecks his lips gently once, looks in his eyes, going from his mouth to his eyes.)

Todd: (Smiles at her. Kisses her more intensely, holding her very close.)

Tina: (Comes downstairs. Makes an "oops" face when she sees them on the couch and tries to pass by quietly. They break apart suddenly and look at her embarassedly.) Oh, hey, I'm sorry bro. I'll be in and out as fast as I can.

Todd: (Very embarassed, bravado:) You better be!

Tina: Todd, honey, look: this is your home, and you have no reason whatsoever to be embarassed about kissing your wife in your own home even if your big sister sees you. I'm not telling anyone anything about your life, and I'm not going to blow your cover about this. This is such a sweet scene, I'm sorry I broke it up. (Smiles at him, goes into the kitchen.)

Tea: (Giggles.)

Todd: (Scowls at Tea.) If she calls me "Todd, honey" one more time...

Tea: Oh, Todd, really. She's your sister, she's had two kids and who knows how many lovers, this is nothing new to Tina.

Todd: I don't like people seeing this stuff about me.

Tea: She's not "people", she's your sister, and believe it or not she's trying to be supportive and protective. She's trying to be a big sister to you.

Todd: I don't need a big sister.

Tea: Well, you've got two and they both love you very much, so let them do their job, ok? They can take some of the heat for you and carry some of this stuff going on, and they're volunteering to. They're your family, like it or not.

Todd: They're both crazy.

Tea: About you, yeah.

Todd: Shut up and kiss me, woman.

Tea: (Chuckles slightly, grabs his face in her hands, and kisses him. He wraps his arms around her and kisses her as before.)

Tina: (Pokes her head out of the kitchen, sees this, smiles, and tiptoes out past the couch and to the stairs. They keep kissing, but Tina's movement catches her brother's eye briefly, his eyes only half-closed for a moment. She puts a finger to her lips at him, turns and goes back upstairs.)

Todd: (Breaking the kiss, both trying to catch their breath.) This is so tempting, Tea, but I just want this for now. This is good. Tina just passed by, too. This is like Grand Central.

Tea: Holding you is good, too.

Todd: (Snuggles tightly against her, holding her close.) Mmm. This feels pretty nice just as it is. I could hug and kiss you all day.

Tea: Why don't we?

Todd: (Pulls back just far enough to look at her.) You call in first. (Grinning.)

[Scene ends.]

[Scene: Llanfair Study, midday same day.]

Viki: I'm glad you could make it home, Jess. I promise not to make you late for your summer class this time.

Jess: You won't, we're not meeting today. I should've let you feel guilty by not saying a word, Mom. (Giggles.)

Viki: How devious, but then I'd've thought you were here just to spend time with your old Mom and not thought twice until later.

Jess: I would've had to have told you by then.

Viki: You're not very good at lying. Neither you nor Joseph ever were.

Jess: He was such a terrible liar when we were kids! He was such a softie!

Viki: He did get better at keeping surprises, though.

Jess: Yes, he did. Sometimes I tried to bribe it out of him and things, but he was resolute and wouldn't even hint that he knew anything. He'd be all innocence and sweetness until I gave up, and Kevin, he'd be the one giggling off to the side, so I'd turn on him when I was done with Joe.

Viki: Did Kevin ever tell?

Jess: No, he stonewalled, just like uncle Todd does. Maybe they really hate each other more because they're sometimes so alike, rather than over the whole Spring Fling horror.

Viki: I don't think they'll ever be friends again. They were close before your uncle raped Marty and implicated your brother.

Jess: Do you think he's even done it since?

Viki: No. That whole experience had a profoundly scarring and frightening effect on Todd, no less so than on Marty. He really has worked hard to turn his life around as much as he can, and that's one thing he vowed he would never do again.

Jess: I hope so. He's so protective of all of us now, it's hard to believe that rabid wolf is the same guy as my uncle now.

Viki: He's not very protective of your brothers at all, I think he barely tolerates Joe and he and Kevin hate each other outright. It's taken a lot of time for Todd to... for lack of a better word, calm down from that rabid wolf. The wolf is by no means entirely gone, it gives him his edge alters or no, but he is also substantially different from who he was then. The man he is now would never commit another rape. I think he'd sooner take his own life.

Jess: I guess even more so with what he remembered during his last trial.

Viki: I suspect he always remembered it, he just could never say it to anyone out loud. Sometimes that makes things more real.

Jess: He talked to me the other day in the diner.

Viki: He hasn't been speaking to you?

Jess: We've all been very busy and haven't had much time this summer.

Viki: What did he say?

Jess: A lot, even for him it was a lot. You know he doesn't say much for long stretches of time and getting anything personal out of him is usually like pulling teeth.

Viki: I see.

Jess: It was sort of weird, he came out and told me some things he would never have said so openly, nor in public before. He's so private.

Viki: Did you argue?

Jess: No, Carlotta and Roseanne kind of took care of that. I talked with Chris later and he and Todd had mentioned that Carlotta and Roseanne had ripped into Todd a little before I got there, and maybe that shook him up more than I knew.

Viki: You didn't see this?

Jess: No, Cris says he was trying to stop them so I wouldn't. Todd told me more about what he'd been doing while he was away. It's not a pretty story.

Viki: Oh? Should we be seeking legal counsel for him?

Jess: I don't think so, no. He just seems to have been very depressed and lost.

Viki: Oh, dear. He never called any of us, I would've gone to him.

Jess: That's what I told him, but he refuses to believe that. He says he went on a few pretty serious-sounding benders while he was away because it hurt so much to be alive.

Viki: Oh my.

Jess: Yeah. The way he described it it sounded pretty seriously suicidal. I'm actually kind of worried.

Viki: That's not surprising with him. He sometimes gets so down on himself he thinks that's the best thing to do for everyone else. Sometimes I don't think he really does want to die, he just wants to stop hurting.

Jess: I think so, too. It's still alarming. I was really scared he'd hurt himself or ended up in jail again or worse when we didn't hear from him for so long.

Viki: Me, too. I can only imagine what Tea felt.

[Scene ends.]

[Scene: Penthouse MBR, a little later that day. Todd and Tea are snuggled up on top of the bed.]

Todd: What was it really like for you when I was gone?

Tea: After I got over the anger and the bitterness, it was still pretty awful. I worried about you. I missed you, but no one wanted to hear that. I never stopped loving you, Todd.

Todd: (Hugs her against him.) I didn't, either. I thought you were better off without me, but I found out that at the very least, I'm not better off without you.

Tea: I wish you hadn't run. I wish I had listened to you when you were pleading with me to. I didn't really expect you to run, well, I did, just not for so long.

Todd: I didn't think I could come back. Ever. Everyone hated me and thought I'd finally gone nuts or lied to everyone I claimed to love. It was a humiliating disaster.

Tea: Yes, it was. Just about -- you know, I was out of town when you were just returning.

Todd: Wait a minute...

Tea: Yes, I was. I had looked at your accountant's notes and discovered you weren't dead, that you were using your accounts still and I started to try to trace you. We must've missed each other by a couple days, I guess.

Todd: You did finally go looking for me? You wanted me back?

Tea: I wasn't sure I did, but I had to know what had become of you.

Todd: Benders.

Tea: Bad ones?

Todd: Very. I lost track.

Tea: Benders are good for that.

Todd: No, of how many there were. Three, I think maybe.

Tea: You should've called home, I would've screamed at you a lot but I would have come to you.

Todd: You'd've screamed at me in person and I probably would've made a total idiot of myself and then fallen to pieces, and you would still have doubted me and you know it.

Tea: If you had asked I would have come, yes, if only with the intention of grabbing you by the lapels and screaming at you in person. We would have fought it out.

Todd: Back and forth across the room, like you do so well.

Tea: Yes.

Todd: Ok. That's enough of this. (Starts to unwrap himself from holding her, kisses her hair.)

Tea: Had enough?

Todd: Yeah. I need to get ready.

Tea: Lunch?

Todd: Shower first. (Kicks off his shoes as he takes off his shirt.)

Tea: (Watches him closely.)

Todd: Whaaat?

Tea: Nothing.

Todd: Then stop staring at me. (Stops undressing.)

Tea: You're so beautiful, I wanted to watch you undress for your shower.

Todd: Oh. Oh... (A slow grin spreads across his face. He begins to undress a little more slowly, adding a little bit of show to the process.) You like what you see, huh?

Tea: (Grins at him.) You bet.

Todd: (Keeps eye contact with her as he undresses, watching her reaction, a very seductive look on his face.)

Tea: You're flirting, you know. You're being *very* seductive right now.

Todd: Does it bother you?

Tea: Are you kidding?

Todd: Another come-on from me with no follow-through?

Tea: What are you doing?

Todd: Playing with attraction.

Tea: I'm already very attracted to you.

Todd: I'm not used to it yet. I'm feeling it out... You really want me?

Tea: Yes. If not now, then when you're ready, ok?

Todd: (Down to his boxers, he crawls back across the bed to kiss her.) I gotta get ready. I'm torn between staying and going.

Tea: Boyd?

Todd: (He sits next to her, nods, picking at the covers a little.) Yeah. I really don't want to go.

Tea: (Stroking his arm, his cheek, his hair.) You'll have to tell him about the nightmares.

Todd: I know. They're not as bad as the ones I usually have, you said I'm not waking up screaming from most of them.

Tea: No, but you wake up in a cold sweat, shaking like a leaf and miserable. That's almost as bad, maybe worse. I rub your back and talk quietly to you, do you remember any of that?

Todd: Not really, no. You could tell me anything about those nights and I wouldn't know.

Tea: Well, I have no reason to lie to you and you know it.

Todd: I guess.

Tea: You're just being paranoid, due to stress and fear. You're having trouble sleeping again, too.

Todd: I am. I don't think I'll ever get used to that sleeping stuff.

Tea: Does it still help that I'm usually here when you're sleeping?

Todd: Yeah. I gotta get ready.

Tea: I'll go find something for us to eat. You WILL eat?

Todd: Yeah-yeah! (Takes off into the MBR bathroom and shuts the door.)

Tea: (Exits to the hallway.)

[Scene ends.]

[Scene: Nora's. Early afternoon.]

Bo: [Exterior:] (Knocking on the door.)

Nora: [Interior:] (Opens door.) Bo, hi. What brings you here?

Bo: I just dropped by for about a minute, coming back from a call.

Nora: Boss got you on foot patrol? (Grins at him.)

Bo: Car.

Nora: (Ushering him in.) Come in.

Bo: Thanks. (Enters.) Look, I only dropped by... to see Matthew.

Nora: (Crossing to the playpen.) Well, he's here. Hi, Matthew! Look who's here! Can you say "hello, Dada?"

Matthew: No Dada.

Nora: Well, that's what I thought, too, but remember that needle poke a few weeks ago in the doctor's office? We all got one, you me, Sam, and your Daddy Bo, here. That was to take some of your blood and compare it to find out who you are.

Bo: Now, who's talking over his head?

Nora: He usually talks over my head. He was teaching me about someone named Schroedinger and his cat just yesterday, don't be fooled by his act.

Rachel: (Arrives.) Hi, Bo, Matthew, Mom.

Nora: You're home early, everything ok? (Picks up Matthew and holds him.)

Rachel: Yeah, short day, this is a halfday for them. It's a small, family-run place, Bo. (To Matthew:) And how's my baby brother, huh?

Bo: He seems just as sweet as ever. It'll take me some time to get used to being a father again, especially since I didn't raise Drew.

Rachel: I miss him, too, Bo. He was a good friend, as well as a step-brother.

Bo: I dunno. I still feel ambivalent about what to do about this new info, you know? When your Mom and I broke up it was kind of ugly, and I admit I shut down. So I got involved with Lindsay, who lied like a rug, yet for one lie I turned my back on your Mom and Matthew. I'm not liking myself much these days about this, Red.

Nora: Bo, none of us knew for sure. Because of Lindsay's lies we all thought Matthew was Sam's, and what bothers me is she told Sam and he knew for months but he also kept it from me. Once paternity was sorted out, I couldn't live with him, and he couldn't live with me or himself. Todd also really got to him about it.

Rachel: Todd? I still can't believe he's had anything to do with Matthew.

Nora: Well, I really hate to say it, but from what Sam has said of what Todd had been saying to him, I have to agree that lying to Matthew about this would've bit us all hard in the long run and Matthew would've taken the worst of it. Todd walloped Sam over the head with his own history about paternity and it really got to Sam finally. Sam's been being just really thickheaded about this.

Rachel: I'm glad someone got through--

Bo: But did it have to be Todd?

Rachel: Really.

Bo: So, like I said I'm only here a minute. I just wanted to let you know I'm still giving this some thought. Once you have sole custody, Red, this should be legally easier. Gotta get back. See ya. Bye, son!

Matthew: (Reaches out with a toy.)

Nora: (Waves Matthew's hand.) Say, "bye-bye", Matthew. Wanna say "bye-bye"?

Bo: (Waves to Matthew.) Bye-bye, Matthew. (Kisses Rachel.) Bye, Rachel. (Leaves.)

[Scene ends.]

[Scene: Dr. Boyd's office, about the same time.]

Dr. Boyd: How are things going?

Todd: A little rough lately. Custody stuff.

Dr. Boyd: Nightmares?

Todd: Some.

Dr. Boyd: About?

Todd: Custody stuff.

Dr. Boyd: Starr?

Todd: Yeah.

Dr. Boyd: Gee, you're talky today.

Todd: Gee, you're nosey today.

Dr. Boyd: You forget it's my job.

Todd: For which I pay you handsomely.

Dr. Boyd: Which I'd do for free.

Todd: Ok. Look, Starr's been having nightmares, and that's been giving me nightmares.

Dr. Boyd: About?

Todd: One night she had a nightmare where she was scared at first that she would be taken from me, and then something happened and it became her fearing I'd leave her again.

Dr. Boyd: And you felt?

Todd: Like the worst father on the planet. I couldn't wake her up, either, so I took her with me to her rocking chair and comforted her until she stopped crying. She wouldn't wake up the whole time I held her.

Dr. Boyd: Sounds like you.

Todd: Yeah, I guess. I thought it was just me, but I guess I passed that on.

Dr. Boyd: How was she later?

Todd: Like it never happened.

Dr. Boyd: What have you been dreaming about?

Todd: My Mom.

Dr. Boyd: What about her?

Todd: What it was like when she left. I'd wake up crying for her, it was terrible. He'd come and smack me around for it if I made noise and it woke him up.

Dr. Boyd: Yet another reason not to sleep?

Todd: Yep. Not to cry, either. At first, you know, I'd wait up for her thinking she'd come back soon; but I knew better. He'd driven her away and I'd never see her again, which was almost true. Her new husband didn't want me, either.

Dr. Boyd: I see where this is going. There's nothing wrong with you, ok?

Todd: Nobody wanted me.

Dr. Boyd: It's not the same for Starr. So many people want her and are willing to fight for her.

Todd: Is it -- does it make me horrible if I'm both glad for her and jealous of her for that?

Dr. Boyd: Not at all, you've worked hard to give her this and I'd argue you should maybe think about this as your success at overcoming parenting issues of your own from your parents and being able to raise a happy and healthy child. That is no small task.

Todd: No, it's huge. I just know, though, that one day she'll turn to me and tell me she hates me because now she knows what I am.

Dr. Boyd: Does she love you now?

Todd: Yeah. She knows she's Daddy's girl. I try not to spoil her, but she's so my kid it's not funny sometimes.

Dr. Boyd: Do you think you're spoilt?

Todd: (Makes face.) I'm not milk.

Dr. Boyd: You know what I mean.

Todd: No. More like ruined, which Starr isn't. Starr is innocent, and I want to keep her that way for as long as I can. I lost mine young.

Dr. Boyd: As long as you also let her grow up.

Todd: She's growing up whether I want her to or not.

Dr. Boyd: You can protect her only so much, and then she has to be able to use the tools you're giving her now.

Todd: I don't have any tools to give her.

Dr. Boyd: Yes, you do. You've taught her to love and how to love others and to love herself. Those are very useful tools.

Todd: You sound like my wife. You're not gonna get all sappy on me, too?

Dr. Boyd: You know me better than that.

Todd: I guess. I've taught her how to deal with Dorian.

Dr. Boyd: See? I think she'll be fine. (Chuckles at Todd.)

Todd: I wish I had your confidence sometimes.

Dr. Boyd: What else has been going on?

Todd: Tea and I finally had some downtime this week. We had lunch outdoors in the park one day, and today she... (sighs)

Dr. Boyd: What?

Todd: We got close again.

Dr. Boyd: How so?

Todd: Look, I want to make love with my wife again, only I can't.

Dr. Boyd: Everything works? Or is something not working?

Todd: (Bristling and scowling at him:) Everything works fine.

Dr. Boyd: Then what?

Todd: She... we... (has trouble discussing this)... Ok. We just hugged and kissed and snuggled all morning. We called into work saying we'd be in late and that was it.

Dr. Boyd: That's not bad. It sounds like you're doing ok.

Todd: It was all I could do.

Dr. Boyd: It's taken a long time for you to be able to do that much.

Todd: I know she wants sex with me, I want to make love to my wife, but I'm so stressed out over the custody stuff I can't.

Dr. Boyd: Does she know you want to make love with her?

Todd: Yeah. I told her.

Dr. Boyd: And how does she seem to feel about this arrangement?

Todd: She suggested this.

Dr. Boyd: Are you glad she suggested it?

Todd: Yeah. Yeah, I am. She keeps saying she likes sex so much and so do I, but she's the one with more experience. Me, I've been a rapist, that's not sex. It's violence, and I know they're different to do. I'm not in a place where I can give her my whole self, my whole soul, my whole heart, and my whole body; even though I want to. My heart is breaking over the possibility of losing my little girl for good this time.

Dr. Boyd: Did it help that Tea lay with you today?

Todd: Yeah. Like she said it would, but then it all started coming back to me once we weren't doing all that huggy-feely stuff anymore, when we were just resting and I started to be able to think.. The kind of anxiety where I can feel my skin crawl sometimes. It's an effort not to rip someone to shreds when I'm like that.

Dr. Boyd: How are you doing now?

Todd: Can I claw your face off?

Dr. Boyd: (Laughs.) No.

[Scene ends.]

TO BE CONTINUED